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Has anyone else experienced this?
Basically in a nut shell, at night time after I have gotten in from work, before I do any house work, washing up etc, I remove my jewellery, including any rings I am wearing. Purely because I don’t want to ruin my jewellery.
All of a sudden, this has been picked up on and the situation very quickly got out of hand. I faced a barrage of questions if I’d worn my rings to work, if I’d worn them when I (detail removed by moderator), if I’d worn them when I went to the shop, then basically saying if you don’t want to wear your rings or the necklace I spent a fortune on for you, what are we even bothering for?!
That came out of nowhere.
Why would he be like that?
L-J x -
Don’t rise to it. If you’ve always done it then that’s that – no case to answer. Whatever you say he’ll probably turn it into something it isn’t so just stick to the facts and tell him why you’ve always removed your jewellery when you come home.
I used to get questions about what underwear I had on to go to work. I think he thought if I wore my “best” stuff I was seeing soneone else when actually it just meant I needed to put some washing on and was running out of my “everyday undies”
Im not sure I’ll ever really appreciate male logic! -
Hey there, it’s not about the jewelery, it’s about him making an excuse to verbally abuse you because it makes him feel good and makes you feel rotten. That’s how abusers get their kicks. They just keep moving the goal posts. It you never took your rings off ever again he would just pick another topic. I wasted so much energy over the years trying to avoid another emotionally upsetting outburst from him that I couldn’t work out that nothing I could ever do would be good enough. He didn’t want it to be. He wanted to abuse and any excuse would do. Wrong milk bought. Broken fridge magnet. It was appalling behaviour when I look back. They dysfunction is all theirs. Comes from a place of deep insecurity and an need to always keep you down. He won’t change.
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I had a period where my wedding rings caused some kind of reaction on my finger (?eczema) ans didnt wear them. This drew reactions from “you don’t want to be married to me anymore” to “It’s so you can go on the pull”. All said as a ‘joke’ of course and designed i now realise, to get a reaction out of me. I would get the same reaction if i missed a train home – “meeting your boyfriend hey?”
Kip has it right – all designed to make you feel bad and keep you down.
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Thank you everyone , what you are saying makes total sense. It does seem like it’s any excuse to start having a go at me.
Again it’s kicked off over a very stupid minor thing & I can’t sleep because of it. Even going so far as to accuse me of not being poorly.I hate living my life like this, I need to set the wheels in motion & get out of this. I did get a local number from the helpline, think it’s time I called them tomorrow.
Thank you again everyone
L-J x -
No you make sense, it’s not over reacting. He wants to control, belittle and just be horridly vile to you, any other human wouldn’t question that. I get asked who I am trying to impress at work, why is my skirt short, why am I wearing tights like that, why I am putting perfume on, make up – who am I seeing. I can’t talk to any males when we are out, I am accused of flirting with them, if I do that when I am with him what the hell do I do that when I am with my friends.
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@iwillbeok I know exactly what you mean, my ex would say exactly the same things to me, I mean he wpuld even phrase them exactly that way and like you say he was always “joking”. I am starting to wonder if these men have a handbook we don’t know about.
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Mine too it’s ridiculous I got to the point if my mobile was placed screen down I was hiding something,same with what underwear I was wearing for work and why bother doing your hair or putting makeup on I think you look ok and that’s all that matters right?? Betterblonde I think your so right about this handbook- makes my blood boil how vile these men are one way ticket to the moon and do every woman a favour xx
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I have had exactly the same just this week. I took off my engagement ring as it caused me some kind of reaction just like iwillbeok and so I had to take it off and of course that leads to me taking it off on purpose, do you even want to be married? Just ridiculous they will use anything they can to throw back in our faces!!
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Its any little thing it really is. Its the whole walking on eggshells thing, not saying how you truly feel, being careful how to word things so as to not cause a reaction. Having said that, sometimes I don’t think it matters what is said, it will always be mis-interpreted as they actively look for any little thing they can to start an argument.
Our feelings don’t matter. Anything we want to do for ourselves is interpreted as being because we don’t want to spend quality time with them, or because they think we are trying to attract another partner.
I am coming to realise that nothing I ever do will be good enough unless it is beneficial to him and what he wanted. Even then things can end up in an argument.
We have to conform to their demands or that will cause issues. We have to allow them to be who they are and act how they do or it will cause issues.
Well I am having a strong day today and I say NO MORE!!! More and more I am standing up to him, more and more I am going against what he is demanding, not because I am purposely wanting to cause issues but because I will not be treated as a slave, I will not run around doing stupid little tasks for him, just to please him as he deems a dutiful wife should. No. It stops now.
We deserve better than this, no-one should be treated the way we have been treated. What gives them the right to try to manipulate and control us?I have my very bad days where I feel really weak and unable to move forward and get things done. I still don’t know how I am going to get to where I want to be.
But I sure as hell know that I will not live my life being manipulated and controlled like a puppet. I will not allow my child to see it and be subjected to it any longer.
Ladies, we can get through this I know we can!L-J x
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