Realisation

[Lostcomet]

I can t believe I was fooled by this person, someone that I respected, cared for, loved. They are not the person I thought they were. I am feeling so heart broken, I feel lost. I feel so sad, and their behaviour has left me feeling confused, anxious, distressed, degraded, vulnerable and unsafe.
How can a person go from telling you you are the most beautiful women in the world, the most sexy, special thing, their soul mate and true love, to causing physical abuse – punching in the face and head, the knees and legs, pulling around, verbally and emotionally abusing me, sexually pressuring me to do things I did not want to do, gaslighting and blaming me for things I had not done, telling so many lies, threatening my character and reputation, telling others I had done horrible things that was his abuse against me,  and discarding me, over again. Then telling me again i am the most beautiful woman in the world, the most sexy….and so on, it all happened again.
Im so sad, so heartbroken, I trusted him, loved him, cared for him, his happiness was everything to me and was my happiness, we were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together, whatever time we had left, we walked a journey of facing our own mortality and survival for over (number removed by Moderator) years together, in the same (location removed by Moderator) , I am am troubled by why has he done this, I miss what i thought was my friend and my true love.. He  has been so cruel to me, and caused me so much pain, it feels unbearable. I am trying to recover through cancer and treatment and need to be strong, want to be strong, but I am feeling so sad, and I know he has already moved on to stalking his ex who is terrified. Why can a person be so horrible to another.

[EvenSerpentsShine]

I really feel to you and I’m sure that all the other women on this forum, past, present and future, can relate completely to what you are saying.

You have described the feelings that I have been through perfectly.

One of the strengths that I hope to emerge with, out of this rather sad and depressing experience of living with an abuser, is the recognition that there are some people in this world who just ain’t like us.
I would like to feel sorry for them, but I’m not going to do that.
It’s a long road to try and understand why some people behave in this way, and it has some value to read books and articles and watch videos etc about abusers.
I started by just looking up on the internet some of the behaviour that I found unusual in my partner (in that I’d never known anyone else in my life who had acted like that) and that led me on to some helpful reading and so on. I looked up the rages which seemed to be over such minor things, which was a feature of my relationship.

Give yourself time to heal and recover and have faith that you will recover.

I know you may not believe me when I say that none of this is your fault, but it’s not.

 

[Lostcomet]

Thank you EvenSerpentsShine for your reassurance and advice, it brings hope at such a dark time. I am just starting to look up and learn about some of the abusive behaviours and I am  shocked to be able to relate to,  and recognise them in him. Its heartbreaking.

[Author]

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