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Im feeling really deeply sad right now. Trapped.
I went to a domestic violence group and we spoke about healthy relationships. Nothing about my relationship is healthy anymore. Ive no idea what to do. I cant make myself end things. Im not in love with him theres no romance but i do love and care about him. Yet at times i hate him for what he has done and still does to me. All a sudden i feel so overwhelmingly sad and suicidal. I just no idea how to cope. Am i hanging on because many years ago it was amazing and i want that back? But can i ever get that back after knowning he is capable of attacking and raping me in the past?
Thing is i know im not being easy or perfect myself. My depressions so bad im not the person he fell for. I just wish he would end this for me. -
It’s very painful to accept that someone you love or once loved has been deliberately hurting you. You’re not the person he met because he has hurt you badly and now you suffer because of the abuse. Keep reaching out and educating yourself. Loving and caring for him won’t prevent him from abusing you nor will it make him love and care for you. All he will do is use that love and care you have for him against you. Time to think with your head and not your heart. Rape is illegal and you do not rape someone you care about. Imagine him doing it to your best friend. He is not the person you think he is. Start taking baby steps away from him and towards freedom x you’re probably still in a bit of shock so be very kind to yourself x
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Hi there Alittlelost, I am sorry to hear about how you are feeling. KIP is right, it is difficult to accept this. It is so important to remember that you are not responsible for the abuse, he is responsible for his actions. There are never any excuses for his behaviour.
It must be taking a great deal of strength to keep going to the group, although this must be difficult. Are they offering you any one to one support? If not do ask them about this.
Are you talking to your GP about how you are feeling or do you have any other support in place?
Take care
Best wishes
Lisa
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They offered to try get me one to one support because im too scared to accept talking about my abuse in any detail. I worry they will deee ss a vulnerable adult and take it out my control. I have capacity and understand what i staying in but i cant make mysrlf leave.ive bern trying to leave for many years now. I will just continue going to the group and trying to learn but it hurts so badly to figure out how bad this situation is.
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