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Hi everyone, I know I’m going to sound silly but I’m currently living apart from my husband, social services ha e removed him for dv emotional and coercive behavior he headbutts walls, smashes and throws objects and shouts.
My teenage son has expressed his low mood and anxiety has been around living with him he’s his step dad and has no contact with his bio dad.
I also have a young child and pregnant, my youngest doesn’t really understand the situation and tells me she wants her daddy to come home and misses him but at the moment she is only allowed supervised contact with him once a week.
My husband has cheated on me in the past and my confidence has been completely destroyed however I still now have this huge fear of him moving on from me and having weird dreams where I’m led with him and just nothing but relaxed and happy like the beginning of our relationship and other times I wake up because I’ve drenthe of him breaking something/ kicking things and It feels like it’s actually happened and like my whole bed shakes and heart is pounding like I’m in the situation.
I still love my husband and I feel ripped apart inside thinking of him betraying me and moving on with another woman I am so stressed and upset always an emotional mess right now. I hope someone may understand and can give me some advice on how to keep going because at the moment I don’t know if I’m making right choice to keep going and keep my wedding rings off even though I know My eldest needs to come above things amd listened to as he has suffered extreme anxiety and isolation due to his fears of being around my husband and fears what is happening to me from him. But I also have youngest missing her dad and upset he isn’t here. However even if he did return social services would feel i am not being protective and have said they’d escalate to court for removal of the children. I just have such extreme fear and upset amd vivid dreams and what if moments of him sexually and emotionally moving on and how much it really hurts to think of I know I might sound pathetic but it’s so hard to not feel this at the moment.
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Hello UndertheStarz,
I just wanted to offer some support on your post this evening, I can hear that things are feeling really difficult at the moment.
The way that you are describing feeling is very normal when in the process of trying to break free of an abusive relationship for good. The nature of domestic abuse often means we become dependant on the abuser in one way or another, and it can feel like we are not sure who we are or what to do without that person in our life.
Abusive men often destroy the confidence and independence of their partner over time, leading to a loss of self-worth and sometimes minimising or excusing the behaviour of the abuser, reminiscing over the better times rather than focussing on the abuse or reasons why we have left.
The time after ending an abusive relationship is particularly difficult, as we have not had the opportunity yet to re-develop that confidence and sense of self-worth needed to begin recovering from what has happened, and we feel pulled back to the abuser for validation and the familiarity they can provide.
Do remember that the happy version of the relationship from your dreams is not the real version of him. It could be helpful to write down your thoughts when you are feeling this way as an outlet for some of them, and try to keep in mind that this time will pass and you won’t always feel this way. It’s important to have patience and to take extra good care of yourself through this. It will get better.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
I am struggling to get rid of someone. I have a dark sense of humour and often message him when I’m bored. I feel like I am standing up to him because I do dark jokes about his behaviour to him.
He’s round the bend and I only ever see him in a crowded area never alone. I have also gone on a mission to see my friends all the time and get to know as many people as humanly possible, but it feels weird not to be able to walk away. Being addicted to a person is frightening and I feel out of control and miserable now all the time. When I think he’s gone and that I am healing everything seems clear and I feel light and happy
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