Really traumatic **

[songbird1]

My partner has (timeframe removed by Moderator) exploded on me for the smallest thing, again and in front of our child. Really traumatic, I want to escape and go to my mums but I’m so so tired of upheaving us, packing a bag, leaving my home everytime this happens and I just want a safe place for me and my son. I feel so guilty that he’s had to witness pure rage and anger (timeframe removed by Moderator). We had to (activity removed by Moderator) to try and cover the sound of yelling and even then he follows us (location removed by Moderator). He stopped yelling and came to take our child (location removed by Moderator) with him, saying I won’t brainwash him against him and its so toxic, my poor baby shouldn’t have to be subject to that and I feel so much guilt that I didn’t protect him from that (timeframe removed by Moderator). I’m having a really really s****y day and I just don’t know what to do, now my mental load has got so much heavier because I know there’s more repairing to do and it will be down to me, when I’m trying to heal my own wounds.

 

Not sure why I’m posting, I know what I should do. I know I should leave but why does it feel so complicated. I hate him with every inch of my soul for what he’s doing to our child but why do I still, after everything believe he has the right to a relationship with him, I want him to have that loving family environment that we get glimpses of and I guess that’s what I stay for and even writing this it sounds so stupid because we deserve more than a glimpse, we deserve to have a normal, happy, healthy, safe environment.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there, it’s awful. I still try to repair the damage he caused (and causes) in my kids and know deep down I can’t fix it all for them.

I did end it, but it took me time. It’s okay, I think, that it’s taking you time. When I first started to realise it was all so very NOT OKAY, I was absolutely overwhelmed by the thought of ending it. It felt really hard and scary, and there was so much grief over the dream having become a nightmare. And then there’d be a glimpse, like you say, of a happier time, and that would make me think I should stick with it.

In the end, it got too bad for me to stay. I waited until it was too bad – I wish I hadn’t felt I had to do that, that I’d felt I could leave sooner, because I knew it was all wrong and we deserved to live better. But it took me time, and I was held back by so much fear.

Keep reaching out, please, and seek support wherever you can. Keep listening to the bit of you saying this isn’t okay.

It can be better than this for you and your child – hold on to that.

x*x

 

[spiritedaway]

You are doing the best you can.  Staying isn’t easy, leaving isn’t easy.  Don’t punish yourself x

[TheMouseBites]

I don’t know if this will be any help but I wonder if you could make him leave? Why should it be you and your baby who have to leave?
is this feasible?

I mean, I know how horrible this is, and I chose to leave my home and everything in it because I just couldn’t stand the stress and agression for one more day. But…could you go to the domestic abuse locally for help. Could they make him go?

The other thing that I WISHED I’d done earlier was start recording things. Either just on your phone on Voice Memo…it’s easy to keep it hidden and just press ‘go’ when you need to, practice first alone so you know how it works if you haven’t used it before. Or, even better, have a camera ready to go. Don’t need to let him see what you’re doing…phone can even be in a large pocket and will still record.

good luck.  don’t beat yourself up…it’s hard, and don’t forget it’s not you causing this problem it’s him.But my biggest regret was leaving it so long. Your baby shouldn’t be subjected to this monstrous behavior.

[songbird1]

Thank you so much for your replies, I’m reading them after another hard morning and I can’t tell you how much I needed to hear that validation that I’m not selfish or a bad person for still being here. I had a day to myself yesterday and I took myself into nature and tried to plan out my next moves, but it still feels hard to do. I just know I don’t want to spend my days, which have turned into years, like this.

In the perfect world I would love to kick him out but unfortunately I have no income of my own and wouldn’t be able to afford it, the only solution I can see is to sell our home and use my half for rent until I’m back on my feet. I have voice recordings and I actually played him one this morning, mid argument, in a desperate attempt to get him to realise what it must be like for us but no reaction. He was really nice to me yesterday, but when I told him I’m still upset he just acts like I’m dragging it on, how can it get better if you hold on to everything and it’s driving me insane because it’s him who needs to stop being abusive and then I wouldn’t be upset all the time? Because I wasn’t intimate with him last night he’s returned to his abusive behaviour this morning and again, it’s fault for ‘holding on’ to things. Is this n**********c behaviour?

[Stargazing1]

@songbird1 these are for you 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

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