Recovery

[KIP.]

It took me two years of no contact before I believed in myself enough not to think he could manipulate me into going back. It took me five years before I believed he wasn’t going to come back and finish me off. It took me two years of wanting a dog but believing he would come and hurt it. Now I have the freedom to choose if I want a dog without his threats in my head. Recovery for me was a horrendous slog and very often felt like it was worse than his actual abuse. For those on that journey please keep going. Winston Churchill said when you’re going through hell, keep going! The journey through hell is worth it. My advice is to learn all you can about the dynamics of abuse. Stick to zero contact. Take all the support you can from those who understand. Those who don’t or hamper your recovery can take a back seat for a while. And keep posting and get validation from those who have walked your path. Much 💕 love and happy peaceful 🐣 Easter. And I’m going to choose my own egg and enjoy every bite x

[Fudgecake]

Thank you KIP. The road at the moment does seem a dark and lonely one so your words of encouragement are very welcome.When I think of the future right now, my mind keeps leaping ahead to the worst possible scenario and I feel fearful and anxious. But I know I’d be in a far worse situation if I hadn’t chosen to go. Your posts often give me strength when I read them and I wish you a happy and peaceful Easter too x

[diymum@1]

There’s so much to be thankful for – were all getting there learning more and more. I’m so glad that I have this insight now – live for the now and the future -well who knows what we can accomplish 👭❤👣keep going and gain strength every day xx happy easter much love diymum 💪 💕 💕

[KIP.]

I really wanted to show the extent of the brainwashing and control. That it lasts much longer even after we leave. Six months later I was still moving stuff round the house because I knew he would be angry and not like it. That’s six months of zero contact and he was still controlling my behaviour. How can women expect to navigate court and divorce and everyday problems when they’re still under the spell. It’s at the point of leaving that we need extra support for mental health and much more awareness from professionals x

[EbonyRaven]

You are spot on with that KIP. People think I should be all ok now because there’s been no contact for a few weeks. As if, Bam the damage is repaired instantly. They really don’t understand at all that there is actual, real damage inside me, the type that takes so much time and work.

Had someone talking about my getting out there dating again the other night. Euwwch. I said that’s not even on the horizon right now, think I’ll give that a miss for a few years, at least.

I’m so grateful for everyone here, you help me to really get my head around the feeling I get flooded with, and to know that although it may be a rocky one, there exists a path and there are amazing views as well as peaceful rest spots along the way.

Thank you and have a lovely long weekend.

[freedomtochoose]

KIP I really really appreciated this thread today. I have had an awful time this past week as my young person has been with my ex. They are coming back today.

I must have really let my guard down this week. I know that he had been playing some horrible emotional games with me. (and, I believer her). It is so difficult when I don’t have the opportunity to talk about it with her, face to face.

At times, I had been feeling horribly depressed, and really had been blaming myself for not being ‘over’ it all by now…

Your post with the ‘year’ documentation and the mention of court, reminded me that in the fist few years I was too terrified to even speak about how I felt, to anyone, for fear of him using it against me. I think that made the whole thing worse. I like what has been said about Churchill…and I hang on to films like ‘darkest hour’ – which really speak to me…

have to do the pick up today, neutral place, cctv, etc but somehow it never gets any easier. What is easier though is the thought that it is myself and my chlld going home together…

hugs
ftc
x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you for sharing this KIP.
I have most difficulties accepting the length of recovery, I always think ok this is it, now it’s over, let’s give a little speed to get to my dreams…only to crash again into depression and anxiety.
It is the not knowing when everything will be fine again which I find unsettling.
I have now to just let it all go and decided to just enjoy the summer, the sun, the water.
Next week I’ll buy a new bikini and will start swimming again, my favourite hobby which I gave up with heavy heart to please my ex.

I admire Churchill a great deal too, what a courageous man, what a leader. ❤️
Maybe my favourite quote from him is;
‘Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.’

Happy Easter everyone🐰🐣

[KIP.]

I like that hopelifejoy. There’s also a quote about not just the destination but the journey. You’re on a long journey to recovery filled with all sorts of emotions but there are also many small victories along the way. Try to enjoy those victories. Those moments of clarity. The day you stopped feeling scared, the day you realised this was never your fault. The day you see him and don’t get triggered, the day you feel that self worth returning. Knowing when our journey ends, how strong and wise we will be. Big 🤗 hugs x

[Shaz]

I really appreciate this post… I have been struggling thinking about him unfortunately the last few days. Why?? Why would I do that when he made me feel so awful. I guess its trauma bonding and I miss ‘someone’ being there. Its strange isn’t it. To miss that rather than relish peace and quiet. I feel strange.

But thanks, appreciate this advice. I realise its a long road ahead.

Xx

[KIP.]

Hi Shaz, I once read that as human beings we crave what is ‘normal’ to us. Even if that normal is nasty dysfunctional violent abuse.it just becomes our ‘normal’. In time you will make a new normal for you. A peaceful happy life filled with smiles and enjoyment. Just keep taking baby steps x

[Shaz]

Hi KIP

That makes alot of sense, thats it, to be fair, even imagining my old normal I can sense the fear, the uneasiness, the tension, but I miss some of it. Whatever the feeling is, its bizarre.
I think I just have to wait or make my new norm.

I have found this really helpful, thank you. I realise its not going to happen overnight.

X

[Fudgecake]

Today I decided to go to the beach with my kid. It’s been along time since I did that with just us two. No time constraints, no worrying about the possible consequences, it was just us two doing as we fancied.It was a treasured moment in time as we both breathed a sigh of relief from a break from the heaviness of recent times. We both feel lighter and more positive this evening x

[KIP.]

Hi Fudgecake, hang onto that positive feeling. I love the beach, the smell of the sea. Write down your experience and you can remember and imagine it when you’re feeling down x or screenshot a picture of a beach. It encourages positive feelings x

[HopeLifeJoy]

You’re right KIP, it is the journey not only the destination that matters, I forget that so easily.
I like the beach too, I love it, it is my place where I recharge my batteries, where I feel at home, safe and at peace, I love going for long never ending walks, just enjoying the sun the wind the air going through my hair, to walk bare-foot through sand and water and to cool off swimming head under the water, I used to spend entire days there…it makes me feel so alive. When there is a storm I go out and watch the waves, I love to see the sea unchaining with fury, I find it fascinating. Once when I was a teenager my cousin took me to the beach to go play in the casinos on the boulevard but instead I went swimming into the sea at night, the waves were big and the adrenaline pumped through my veins, few others crazy fans went in there too, it was just wonderful.

I don’t live near it anymore but I live near a large river which is lovely too and there is a lovely big outdoor swimming pool surrounded by big green hills I’ll go to when it’s warmer.
Maybe it helps our recovery to simply do again the things we love to do the most 🙂 🌊

I appreciate everyone being here, it makes the road less lonely. 💕

[Alone]

That’s what I always struggle with in traumatic situations – the aftermath. In a situation, I’m great. There was violence at work recently, and I jumped in and handled it. Got me a promotion. But the things that have happened in my life are haunting me, to the point I wanted to end it all

[Author]

Posts