Relentless

[nbumblebee]

I see reading through posts on here that many of us are struggling right now and whilst I feel utterly selfish for posting I need a moan.
I had one of the worst few days and that is saying something. We went out and all he did was moan at me i made an effort to look nice and he just started on and on at me for working telling me over and over again to quit as i wasnt doing my “job” as a wife a mum properly. When i say on and on i mean it. This went in all night all next day over and over and over he just wouldnt stop i was so worn down when he then asked for sex i gave in i just wanted a break, this worked and the next day he was lovely. But today again he has started stop working bla bla. It wont stop he wont stop and its driving me insane. I know its small compared to other stuff but seriously he wont stop and i dont know what to do. Xxxxx

[Twisted Sister]

Hi nbumblebee

I am sorry to hear this. I don’t think there is anyone here that would diminish the huge impact of his abuse on you. You are not suffering less or more, you are suffering, end of. The extent of your suffering is apparent. It is a form of torture that you are living under, not to mention other of his behaviours specifically and how awful that is for you.

Look after yourself, thinking of you and sending hugs

warmest wishes

ts

[nbumblebee]

Thanks TS it seems really small compaired to others troubles and i guess he has done much worse but its the constant it was relentless just on and on he wouldnt stop and his face was vile his words were vile i made the mistake of calling him a bully asking him to stop now thats all he keeps saying “oh i forgot im a bully”….
Hes trying to grind me down so i give in isnt he, I wanna ask him why but i know i wont get an answer. Xxxx

[LightbulbMoment]

Hi,
It’s not small at all. It’s a drip drip effect and it all builds up together to grind you down and make you feel worthless. Any response you have will get used against you – nothing you do is right. It’s exhausting.
Just know that you haven’t created this. His behaviour is not that of a reasonable adult.
Sending hugs. Stay strong xx

[nbumblebee]

Thank you. Been a horrible week he hasnt stopped at all and i find myself ready to burst.
Today ive had a breather so I am hoping he has gotten it out his system. Only time will tell i guess i hope its stopped i really dont think i could handle much more. Xxxx

[tiredofitall]

I so hear you on this. When I tell people that he could go on at me all day I don’t think they believe me but if he was in the mood to make a point ( and he usually was) it could go on from 8am till the early hours and it didn’t matter if I conceded or told him he was right! If he only applied the same determination to keeping a job!!!
No answers here but just wanted to say I know how tiring it is and how it wears you down. ❤️

[nbumblebee]

Im so sorry you underdtand but also so grateful I feel like im going crazy xx

[LightbulbMoment]

‘If he only applied the same determination to getting a job!!!’ 🤣🤣
Brilliant. Laughed out loud at that.
So very true!!
But of course, raging, arguing, belittling, sulking and causing drama are a full time job all of their own.
Thanks for the laugh, needed it tonight.🫶

[Bananaboat]

He’s changing his approach. Now he’s pushing and pushing you, putting you down, trying to steal that job you love probably for a few reasons – to see how much he can get away with and still get what he wants, to test tactics to find one that makes you comply and thirdly to prompt a reaction from you. So you’ll finally snap shout enough and boom – you’re the bad guy. That is reactive abuse. It’s like having a grown a*s toddler around sometimes. x

[nbumblebee]

Thank you all. You are not gonna believe this. So i did break a little and I called him a bully. No shouting I was calm I just said that he needed to stop bullying me into leaving work. I regret saying it now as its all he keeps going on about.
And heres the thing he even accused me of being a bully cause i say no. He said he was gonna call a domestic abuse line for husbands as i am so mean. Now he was joking i know he was but there are days when i really believe that he knows exactly what he is doing and saying ks wrong and that makes it hurt even more.

[Footballfan1]

He knows exactly what he is doing.
He is applying the pressure in different places, subtly testing you in different areas for a way to get into your head.

My ex told me I was a bully, it is very common for them to say this.
They are deflecting their behaviour onto you.
My ex also told me he was ringing a number for men victims of domestic abuse.
He’s going to keep you in a constant state of hypervigilance and fear.
You will always wonder what he will say and do next.

[Bananaboat]

Typical behaviour I’m afraid, you are now the bully, he’s the victim, you’re the n********t/abuser, he’ll paint himself as the victim to his enablers. As already said he’s deflecting his behaviour onto you. He’s sensing his control is waning and testing new methods. Look after yourself and keep notes or recordings if possible x

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