Reliving all the horrible things he’s ever said and done

[LavenderLilly]

Does anyone ever go over all the terrible things your partner/ex has said and done to you over the years? I can’t forget the horrible things he’s said to me and little things trigger bad memories –

For example- our Christmas tree used to be in another corner of the room and many years ago I remember him pushing the whole thing over in anger, right next to wear our toddler was standing.

He used to physically threaten me in arguments a lot – threatened to pick me up and smash me against a wall.

On (detail removed by Moderator) he punched a hole in the wall of our hotel room and told me he hated me.

He’s calmed down a fair bit after I left him (number removed by Moderator) times due to regular name calling and he’s stopped with the physical threats but I can’t forget the things he’s said even though it happened years ago.

It’s like I relive them over and over.

[tryingtosleep]

Dear LavenderLilly

I’m really sorry that these things happened to you. It sounds really horrific and very frightening.

I quite frequently go through different things that happened before my ex and I split up. I think it’s my way of processing it. But it also helps me if I start to feel bad for him or feel guilty for leaving him. It’s not surprising that you are reliving these events if you are still living with him as you must still find his presence quite threatening at times – even if, as you said, he has calmed down now.

I’m not an expert, but it may help to speak to a counsellor about these experiences to help you process them. Good luck x

[Workinvictim]

Hi LavenderLilly, 

So sorry to hear about your struggles. I feel the same sometimes, I recently separated from my partner .I experienced both physical and verbal abuse,  I still remember some of the hurtful words and it is hard but I try not to let it robbed me or make me sad , just use it to remind myself not to go back.

LavenderLilly try and focus on yourself and on creating new positive memories , and over time I hope you can forget, Good luck xx

[Happybelle]

So sorry to see this. I find that the memories come back at random and it will be things you thought you had forgotten. Event days seem to do that for me the most  such as birthdays and Christmas.
I remember the nice things I had done to try and make Christmas good. Then the final one we were together where, now I’m looking back, I could see I had lost all my spirit. I didn’t even put the tree up or any lights.

this is the first break from work I’ve had since we stopped being together where there has been time to allow the memories to properly come and go. I have been blocking them out but now I’m letting them come. I get tearful but it seems to be needed as part of recovering. Now some of the bad memories aren’t hurtful so much anymore.

i hope this gets better for you x

[Sogo1234]

I’m so sorry you have experienced this.

 

I definitely relate to reliving and remembering things said and done. Words and events pop into my head every now and then and the feelings come flooding back. It’s exhausting and makes me wish I could leave.

[Author]

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