Remembrance

[Puddles59]

My trauma goes back decades, to childhood. My abuser had according to him commited murder. I don’t know the truth of that. He abused my mum, now deceased. He abused (name removed by Moderator), also deceased. And he abused my cousin. He left me with cptsd and a disorganised attachment style.

Amongst other things, it left me with anger. And grief.

So here’s my solution: to remember the dead, the screaming voices who were never heard and to grieve for my mum who passed away from cancer.

Thank you for listening

[EvenSerpentsShine]

You’re so brave to go into this place. I feel in my own experience too, that an abuser leaves a ragged swathe of destruction. It’s not just us affected, but lots of others too. Love to you. ❤️

[Puddles59]

Thank you for responding. As I write this the tears are welling up but I can’t cry. I hurt so bad.  I’m so angry. And I was literally and symbolically abandoned as a child.

But I know I’m not alone, and I receive strength from that to carry on. I am truly grateful. It has kept me alive when I have wavered from my path.

Suicide and self harm has popped into my life as an unwelcome visitor would invade my house.

I resist, always, my son, now grown, needs a ‘rock’. I will be there for him until my numbers up.

I know this all sounds very negative but the ‘take away’ from this is my desire to live, not just to exist but to thrive and grow.

My love from puddles

[EvenSerpentsShine]

You’re not alone. There is an enormous army of us.
You have stopped the cycle of abuse from passing through to your own child. That is the most amazing achievement.
I hope that you don’t just survive but thrive too.
❤️

[Author]

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