- This topic has 18 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
There was a thread before but I can’t find it – I know someone said about reporting previous sexual assault. Anyway, I have been thinking for a while about making a statement re previous abuse. Am no longer in the relationship and have no contact but it still frustrates me that he got away with it. As I understand it you can’t make a complaint about coercive control if it predates when the law came in but I could make a complaint based on phys/sex assault, crim damage etc. Has anyone done this? I feel strongly that he will continue to abuse women and at least it will be recorded for the future even if they don’t feel they can charge……in a way its about me feeling empowered to now speak the truth I guess. BUT – we currently have no contact and it’s been great – a little scared as to what would happen if i poke the sleeping bear if you know what I mean xx
-
-
Hi
You can report sexual assaults at any time. I have spoken with the police but as yet not made a statement as I am not in a safe place. I am now getting counselling for the rapes, that might be something that will help you.
It will be hard to prove as it will be ours words against theirs. But I feel like I will report because even if he only gets called in for questioning, he will know that what he did to me was unacceptable to me.
FS x
-
@fallingskys thats how i feel about it too. It’s a message that actually despite the fact it was a while ago it is not ok and not forgotten. I know someone who recently went through a court case re a rape at a party and it was very hard going and the verdict was not guilty but she a) got good support from SA services and b) is glad she reported it and tried to make him accountable even though she did not get the right verdict. Good luck with your case xx
-
I reported the historical sexual abuse. It means if other women come forward they can use my statement as corroboration. You might find some other woman has already reported him. I’m glad I did it. There is Claire’s law too. Your statement might alert another woman if she asks the police about her partner. It’s not easy but I felt like I passed the buck to the police. I got it all off my chest and kind of thought, well he’s your problem now.
-
@kip amazing well done, that’s where I’m at too. Just a little worried as he’s been silent for a period of time and so bit worried this will wake him up so to speak but if it does I guess I’ll deal with it through solicitor etc. I feel like I don’t really care what the Police do with it, I’ll just say the truth and then what will be will be. Inspired by you both and your courage x*x
-
Firstly, kudos to you for being strong enough to think about doing this.
Secondly, I agree with KIP, even if the police do nothing with the information you give them it will still be there on the file and becomes their responsibility.
I’ve reported my ex to the police although there was no sexual abuse. If his next girlfriend makes an application under Clare’s Law I need my conscience to be clear that I have left all relevant information there for her to find. You might even find this is part of the healing process?
xx
-
What constitues as sexual abuse. My ex tried to rape me although the date that happened I don’t know. Throughout our relationship he coerced me into having sex with him and I woke up on a few occasions to find him initating sex
-
Hi Indiamalachite and Velveteenbun,
You may both find the following specialist service helpful for information and to help you to find some more support.
The page it links to explains what constitutes sexual abuse and the law surrounding it. There is also a section on the website about reporting to the police.http://rapecrisis.org.uk/sexualviolenceoverview.php
Kind Regards and please keep posting,
Lisa
-
-
@velveteenbun, sorry haven’t been on for a while. I would say that does constitute an offence…..if you’re asleep you haven’t consented surely, if you’ve been attacked then you aren’t in a position to consent etc (what IDVA told me). In my case it was probably similar to your coerced experience. I think it constitutes an offence. I still haven’t reported but going to speak to the DV section of police and ask them what to do. x
-
-
-
@kitty yes – hope it went ok x @healthyarchive, thank you.
@lisa, thanks will take a look.
I have emailed the Police in my area to ask them to contact me to discuss. Still not sure what I want to do but will see what they say x -
So I have called police and spoken to them on 101. The woman police officer was really nice and sensitive. Thanked me for being so brave and said must call 999 if he comes here etc.
I said I potentially want to make a complaint about physical/emotional/sexual abuse in our relationship, she took details and said she will write it up and get someone to call me and arrange to come in and pick through all the details to see what they how they can progress with it. I have to say that my experience of the police when I have called them (twice now) has been positive, what is others experience? Court – awful.
I will now wait for call from DV team and see what happens. Feel now it doesn’t really matter what happens, I can tell them the truth and see if they can do anything with it. Just feel I should try and do something to hold him to account and hopefully help anyone in the future. Am slightly worried in terms of if I give details of potential witnesses (mutual friends) that they may not appreciate me bringing them into police action, but that’s their call I guess. Also a bit worried about what his reaction may be – stuff like I know he has a “video” of us and he is a very calculated, unpredictable person. But anything he does I will stay strong I hope. Bit nervous though!
I have to say this has come from working with my local DV service for some time, going through therapy with them and processing all the trauma and now feeling in a very different and empowered place to when I was with him – so would totally recommend anyone to seek help from local services and specialist therapy if able – I really feel they changed my life. Although totally feeling anxious right now!
-
The police on the whole were good if you stick to domestic abuse unit. The court was awful and the sentencing a joke. But at least he was found guilty. I’m a different person now. I want to hold him accountable I want the world to know he’s an abuser. I’m much stronger now. He keeps coming back to intimidate me and I keep getting the better of him. He still thinks I’m the cowering shell of a woman he last saw. When will he realise that I have changed.
-
I also found court a nightmare, I was so frightened and manipulated I didn’t help the CPS and as a result they totally went for me. He was found not guilty but carried on his abuse. Found the whole process extremely traumatic. Agree, just want to say hey, I am not the broken person you tried to destroy, I am here and I know the truth. Sorry he still tries to intimidate you – you stick to your new free path. He will probably always see you as some little piece of nothing he used to control but hey, you know you’re strong and not going to be pushed around anymore!
-
Just to update, I went to pre-arranged appointment (detail removed by moderator) and talked about historical abuse. They can’t investigate some of it – the stuff that’s “volume” things she said like damaging things and less serious assaults as too long ago (but can record allegation I think) but they are going to investigate a serious one I talked about. She said I have made an allegation of rape and I need to be interviewed on video, it sounded really weird when she said that back to me and I’ve been feeling a bit weird and sick since yesterday and like I’m in a bubble. I supposed it’s just talking about stuff I haven’t really told anyone and it’s quite hard to think about.
-
-
It’s such a hard word, i always think about it like a sexual assault and so it sounds a bit nicer, but it sounded really odd when she was talking back at me and I suppose also strange cos ive never talked about it before. I am glad i am doing it though as he will no doubt do it again and shouldnt get away with all this. Even if they can’t take it further I have told the truth. Thanks for your support 🙂 xx
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
