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I have left my abusive partner today. For the third time. This time with my baby. I returned to my family home again for the third time.
Returning here reminds me of the abuse of my childhood. Towards my father and myself and my siblings. By my mother.
It’s something we don’t talk about.
It’s why I keep returning to my abuser.
I compare the level of abuse from childhood by my mother to the abuse from my baby’s father.
I just don’t want her to be around this but too scared to live alone.
I’m sharing.
I wonder if anyone has felt this way? -
Well done for leaving your abusive partner! I’ve been in a similar position; left my abusive husband to only realise that actually, I always experienced some level of psychological abuse and coercion through my mam (as did my dad and sister) – this is still happening to this day. My mam does see my children frequently; she speaks to them kinder than she does the rest of us, which is good, but she still treats us all awfully in front of the kids – I’m trying to find the balance myself. Have you thought of contacting a women’s refuge? You’ll be surrounded by other women and support that way, for you and your baby
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It’s a common abuser tactic to make us fear living alone. To make us think that we can’t make it. It sounds like both your mother and your ex have used this too keep a hold on you. But these aren’t your only options. You would manage in your own home. It’s far less isolating than you think. I agree that refuge might be your best option right now, but a council flat is also an option. Talk it through with women’s aid. There is support out there for you to do this.
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