Rollercoaster

[abcxyz]

Most days now I feel strong. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel free, and bright and happy. To know that choices are mine, and that I am doing the very best for my children makes me feel really positive. But sometimes I feel bad for leaving, sometimes I miss him, sometimes I feel like I imagined it all, that it can’t have been that bad. When the children cry (occasionally) because they miss Daddy it’s hard to explain in a way that isn’t “you can’t see him properly yet because he’s being awkward about when he wants to see you and I don’t agree with him”. When the children bicker i’m quick to wonder if they learnt those words from him, and i’m waiting for one of them to yell “i want to live with daddy” (They haven’t yet!). When you see other couples showing each other affection, it’s hard not to think of what might have been, and to wonder whether you will ever feel like that again, or whether you will always think that men aren’t all they seem. I never had imagined that waking up to verbal and emotional abuse would lead to such a rollercoaster. Hanging on in there, but love getting into my bed at night and knowing that I get to switch off for a little while before the rollercoaster starts again! xx

[Serenity]

I know, it’s hard.

You’ve been through a huge upheaval. There’s sorrow and uncertainty involved. The kids have yet to adjust.

I gave a quote which says ‘You can’t master the rest of your life all at once. Just master today, and keep doing it.’

We can worry so much about the future, but we can expend so much energy worrying about something we can’t completely control or preempt. We can only deal with the 24 hours we have, then start afresh the next day.

Have faith that your love for your children will be that powerful thing that gets you all through and keeps you safe and together. Believe that you can cope with the different obstacles as they arise.

It’s painful to think that our lives included so much cruelty and abuse. We can feel sad because we don’t believe we deserved it. But we don’t know what what happiness is round the corner. We mustn’t lose hope.

Take extra good care of yourself at this time. You’re doing so well.

Big hugs x

[abcxyz]

thank you Serenity … wise words as always xx

[Nova]

Kind words Serenity, very true, one day at a time!

It’s natural to feel loss, your human,and with that comes up all the emotions, positive & negative.
I started to write things down, just to get it out..
Then I can throw it away if I choose! Helps me in those moments, rather than it all being in my head.

Take care C x

[Suntree]

Its hard isn’t it. Do you remember when you first started dating someone and it ended the only songs on the radio where sad one. How did the radio know?
And everyone you saw was holding hands or happy?

We know this is not the case but our brains, chemicals, emotions, bodies are going through withdrawal and seeking it what it thinks it needs. This is not always the good thing for us.

I started deliberately looking for the single people, there are a lot around, or listening for the happy songs, there were lots on the radio. Slowly the world started to seem more balanced.

For the children find out something they know about where you have to follow rules in order to do something.
For example going swimming.
To go swimming you have to have a swimming kit.
You have to go to the pool when it is open AND when it is available for you to swim.
You have to pay to get in.
You have to change into your swimming kit.
You have to follow the rules o and in the swimming pool.
These are to keep you and everyone else safe.
You have to leave when your time is up.
etc

If you don’t follow the rules or go when the swimming pool is available for you to swim then you don’t go swimming.

You can follow the rules and you can go when the swimming pool is available to swim and then you can get to swim.

The choice is is yours, your choice means the outcome of if you swim or not.

Daddy is currently choosing to go to the pool when it is shut.

We have rules too, the rules are for everyone the same as the pool does, the same as your school does etc.
Daddy is choosing at the moment he doesn’t want to follow the rules.

I have done something similar for mine. I wish I knew about this earlier. It has taken away the responsibility from them and from me, where their was none anyway but in their minds, they believed if they changed he would and when he didn’t they believe that it was their fault.

It allows me on the very rare occasions they ask for him (normally when they are not wanting to do homework) to say, you can’t phone him because he is still hasn’t done his bit yet.

I have a happier, healthier household for it.

[lover of no contact]

so glad you feel strong, bright, free and happy and can make your own choices. Thankyou for sharing such hope of what awaits us if we can go No Contact with our abuser.

[abcxyz]

thank you all – much appreciated xx

[Author]

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