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I went and logged the situation with the police.
They were ok with me, but they want me to persue the sexual assault claims. Im not ready.
Hopefully that aspect of him is done with as its been a while since the last physical.
I feel awful. I feel like an absolute traitor. Like I’m the worst most unsupportive partner on earth right now.
The guilt and self doubt is enormous.
When he’s good, he’s a regular joe. But when he’s bad all i can think is i have to leave.
My head is baffled right now 🙁 -
Hi. An abuser does this to you on purpose. It is control, guilt tripping, so that you question things and they get away with it all.
You were sexually assaulted and the police are trying to help and guide your path. Do you have a victim/witness advocate for support, a solicitor too?
You can do this! Hugs!
Chickadee
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There are time limits for prosecuting assaults but none for sexual offences. It sounds like the police are trying to help you. I felt really guilty for a long time but he lied to the police, denied everything. Didn’t give a d**n that he put me and our son through a court trial. They have zero empathy. My advice is to ignore your heart and forge ahead with the advice from professionals. This man chooses to abuse you and has probably done it to other women too. Ring the rape Crisis helpline for advice. When he’s good it’s actually a mask he wears. The real him is the nasty violent self serving individual who will destroy you without a second thought. Save and protect yourself because he has shown he can’t and won’t.
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You have done so well BB.
Time to bump up the self-care and self-love darlin
Little (or bigger things?) you can do to show yourself that you are worth the best.
something nice to eat? Bubble bath? new hair cut? phone a friend? yoga class?
whatever works for you
might not seem the most relevant thing right now, but
you deserve the best going forwards
ftc
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AS Poodlepower so importantly states, they chose to do this to us just in the same way they choose not to do it to other people. This realisation (and it didn’t come until months after I left) was the thing that cemented my decision to walk away. My ex could, and did, function exceptionally well with most people but with me he was an absolute l*****c who would switch from being the most loveable and loving man a girl could ever hope for to a screaming, abusive monster within a few seconds. It was like someone flicked a switch. And then, after a tirade of abuse, would switch back and beg me to have a nice day with him. I genuinely thought he was so bad tempered that he couldn’t help himself and if he just got help with his temper I could have the beautiful loving man all the time. After reading and reading and reading and after attending The Freedom Programme and then reading some more, I came to the realisation that he is not out of control. He is choosing when to give me the different ‘sides’ of himself and that choice is made based on the impact that he needs to best feed off me at that moment in time. He doesnt flip like that on anyone else so why can someone so out of control, control themselves with everyone else. Because I was his fix.
Honestly, read as much as you can about your situation and if you can, go to womens aid. They’re amazing.
Good luck 💋
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And if it helps to know…I walked away (detail removed by moderator) ago. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The pain was unbelievable but IT PASSED!!!!! I am now so happy. I feel like I was a crumpled up stained rag when I left him and now I am all shiny and new and so unbelievably happy and incredible proud of myself. Don’t believe it for one second whan they say awful things about you not being able to leave. We are stronger that we think and we can survive more than we think we can survive. And honestly, life without them is amazing 💋
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