Running away

[Nutshake]

Has any one just moved and disappeared not leaving any forwarding address or telling there partner/ husband where they are or leaving any way for them to contact?

I’ve been in a very verbally/emotionally/ financial abusive relationship for (detail removed by moderator) years since my early (detail removed by moderator) I have to leave, it’s making me physically ill as well as serve anxiety.
There is no option to just move locally as he will Constantly contact me or watch me, he is not scared of the police or Prison has a long history of prison sentences something i found out later in our relationship. He’s not physically violent and never has been he’s Very cute and will play the victim while smirking at me.
Everyone who meets him in the 5/10 minutes think he’s really nice but after time he lets that slip now and people have witnessed he verbal asults at me and our son.
He thinks nothing of verbal name slangs at me in front of our son and has been know to ring our son and tell him to find a new dad and he wants nothing to do with him. Then (detail removed) later arrive home with bags of presents.
We have no contact with his family some know we exist but his mum and others don’t he lives a double life as he goes to visit her everyday. He says he can’t tell her as we are from different cultures which isn’t true as his brothers wife’s are from different cultures.
He’s just very good at manipulating

[KIP.]

If you contact your local women’s aid they will help you, either with a refuge or housing and help you with a safe exit plan. You don’t deserve this behaviour and it will be emotionally damaging for your son too x

[Cecile]

This seems to be abusive not just for you but for your son, quite a risky situation. It is very concerning, I wholly agree with Kip’s advice above. Leave, get help and support, and protect yourself and your child.

[Nutshake]

I’m planning on leaving and have support to do this, my local women’s aid aren’t very helpful and told me my son must have contact with him even though my son says he definitely doesn’t want to. I have saved enough money in a secret account for 1 years rents, bills ect with out needing to worry about work as I was self employed. It’s just making the move to leave and protecting my son from having any contact. Which is why I was planning to just move and disappear with no trace.
I just wondered if others had done this and built a safe life for them self.

[Cecile]

With regard to no contact, you really need legal advice. Otherwise you might be accused of abduction of your son. If the father has parental rights then you will a more circumspect plan. Please ring Rights if Women and get free legal advice, or speak to another helping agency with regards to this. Yes you need to be protective and exercise parental responsibility to your son, but do not make a rod for your back in regard to the father’s right to contact. It may be that you can get advice on using a supervised contact centre. But as I said, get legal advice, you can flee to protect yourself and your child but the father is contact must be considered.

[Newbeginnings1234]

Hi, I left without my ex knowing where I live. I went to a refuge then moved into my own flat, as I’d also saved enough money to pay 6 months rent upfront (I had to pay for the refuge though as I had too much in savings to qualify for housing benefit, nobody told me that until just before I left, so bare that in mind if you decide to go to a refuge). I don’t have kids though so it’s a different situation. He also kept harassing my family after I left as he had no way of contacting me and he was upset because I’d left without saying anything to him. Have you tried calling the helpline to see if they can help? x

[Nutshake]

Thanks I’ve not rang the helpline recently, but will do today.
There is no way we can leave and have contact as if I’m not there the abuse will aim at my son, he’s very cute and easily manipulate people to let h8m see my son away from a contact Center he will play the game to show he’s a good dad while emotionally manipulating my son. they only last for so long before they transfer to unsupervised visits.
He’s then a flight risk and could remove my son from the country, my son is also autistic and has spd and a lot of anxiety relating to the verbal abuse towards me he has heard.
My partner has a long history of violence and some very strong charges in prison (detail removed) he was classed as a risk to the public while inside according to his prison reports. as well as daily drug use so my son is not safe to have any contact
I’d rather fight him in court if he found me which is something he would have to do first and isn’t easy than hand him my son who he has never been alone with and non of his family or friends know.

[KIP.]

Hey there are laws to protect you and your child if he has this kind of history of violence and you can also apply to have his parental rights removed. It sounds like you have a really strong case but you don’t want to give him any advantage by breaking the law yourself so take some good legal advice. Many women leave then it’s upto the father to go through the appropriate legal channels for contact which would buy you time to get safe. To gather your evidence to have his parental rights removed. Most solicitors offer free initial advice so visit a few and Get their opinions. If you go into a women’s refuge there will be support there so you might want to go there initially x

[Lisa]

Hi there Nutshake, welcome to the forum. I can see that you have received some great support already. I am sorry to hear about what has been happening, and also how your son is being treated. I am also sorry to hear that you haven’t found your local domestic abuse service very supportive with your situation.

You can contact a Support Worker from Women’s Aid via our live chat where you can chat in confidence about your situation. Support workers will not tell you what to do but they can give support, practical information, and discuss with you any options that are available based on your specific circumstances. For more information about the chat service please go to: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

It would be useful for you to access some legal advice, you could contact Rights of Women They have a specialist Family Law advice line.

You could also contact Coram, you will find some useful information at their website.

Best wishes

Lisa

[fizzylem]

Run if you can, and disapear, with support, you will need and can get help with your exit plan from WA, try the helpline if your local charity isnt helping, or ask for a different support worker.

Your child has rights and if he doesnt want to see his dad he doesnt have to, his voice and wishes will be respected if it ever came that his father took you to court for contact time. You are the primary carer and you need to do what is right for you and your son here, if he takes issue with that then it will be down to him to file the court application, some dont.

This man sounds dangerous to me, a moon light flit is needed x

[Crazylady19]

Hi Nutshake I hope you & your boy are doing ok lovely. I’ve been reading through all the comments as I’m needing to do this myself as parting the marriage in a normal way is not going to happen with my however I don’t have children so it’s easier for me. But I don’t have any money whatsoever and all my benefits are joint and even my other benefits goes into her account so I literally have nothing or no one to help and this is where I’m stuck. Only a handful of times has it ever been physical abuse with me so I understand where you are coming from. Please gain as much strength as you can and run darling with your son you deserve better we all do and that’s something I’m starting to realise x*x

[Author]

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