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I’m feeling bombarded by abusers again at the moment. I have received an email from my mum which I have deleted immediately but I’m just so mad at the complete denial and invalidation of what they’ve done. It caused me to start dissociating, I went numb and I had to work to stay grounded. How dare they?! Especially after the contact I had with my dad this year which confirmed they truth of what they’ve done. It took me such immense courage to stand up to them. Why can’t they just leave me be? Haven’t they all made me suffer enough? Really fed up today. I try so hard to keep positive. I sometimes wonder how long I can keep doing this for.
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hi hun,
its hard when it all smacks you right between the eyes so hard that you cannot see, i did the same and right now i just want to hide and never speak again to a single soul. they call me up and i ignore them, they try to ask me to do things and i ignore that too, but i find thats the best i can do. Ive blocked numbers and i really dont want to talk, but i have no friends and thats really hard. just remember they are not good for your life and keep them away hugsxxxxxx -
Thank you so much Tinkerbell, it’s so good to be understood. It’s taken me years to shake the fear, guilt and obligation that kept me having unwanted contact for so many years. I feel just the same about hiding. How can they be so unbelievably thick-skinned? It astounds me. And ut not because they want to resolve anything, I gave them that opportunity. All they want is for me to shut up and be a good girl and keep on pretending. Thank goodness I don’t have to do that anymore, it was killing me. I might be all alone in the world but at least I’m free, relatively speaking. Thank you for the hugs, I’m sending some back! You sound like you’re being really strong. Well done for standing up to them xxxx
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Hi
Abusers only think of their own needs and push the boundaries all the time. You have already set this limit by deleting the e mail and thats a good start to keep yourself safe.You know what you need or want so follow this gut reaction.It is there to protect you.
Its hard but keeping abusive people and relatives at bay is the start of a different life so stick to your plan to prevent more abuse.
Maybe support from womens aid so you are not alone?
Take care
Jupiter x x -
Well done for deleting it, PP.
Is it not possible to block them? It seems unfair that they can contact you out of the blue like that. If there were any emergency, you would be told somehow.
Like all abusers, they want their kids to shut up and do as they are told, either to make them hen appear normal to the outside world, or for some other selfish reason. Maybe old age is reminding you hem that they aren’t superhuman after all. Well, too late. You’ve moved on.
I would block them. You need to feel safe with barriers.
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And I’ve kept shut up about it all mostly , not certain that can be forever recently it is pouring out of my body to ppl who I can be anonymous too. The worst part was recently when one of them sat there and to my face told me they would do anything for me, this was because they needed something from me, needless to say, I blocked them right out of my life straight after they left that day.
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You can block her emails.
I did that to a family member. She is blocked.
You will get to know new people who will be on your side.
Family is not good for everyone.
My parents behave as if they had been the most amazing parents in the world. They will never understand. They have twisted the truth so that they are comfortable with the past. They cannot see what they have done to me. My mother recently blamed me for ending up in that last abusive marriage.
It is hard to completely go zero contact, because I want some inheritance. I keep it to a minimum that I can just about cope with. -
Thank you all. I plan to change my email along with my name at some point. That is my way of divorcing them all and cutting all ties. They don’t know where I live so they can’t post anything or turn up. I once stopped contact for (detail removed by moderator)years and they turned up unannounced on my doorstep and I didn’t have the courage to say no. You’re right, there is no respect for boundaries from abusers. All you can do is physically prevent contact. I am lucky to have had such excellent, skilled counselling so I am no longer desperately trying to hold it all in or blurting it out to all and sundry as I did at one stage. Just as I was contemplating the first Christmas of absolute no contact up they pop again. Even after all the therapy just seeing the name on an email is still traumatic and it just feels like the last straw while I’m dealing with my ex hanging around trying to get to me. I’m sick, bored and tired of dealing with them all. At least I don’t feel guilty anymore. They have not earned the right to call themselves ‘parents’ or ‘husband’, they haven’t fulfilled those roles and so they deserve no love or respect in return. My children keep me going too, I wouldn’t be here now otherwise x*x
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Haha, thank you Liquorice for making me smile 😊 I’ve had a good sleep which always helps. I seem to have something abuse-related to deal with almost every day at the moment, but I guess it’s all one more step forward. I read a quote yesterday that said ‘once you know you’re facing in the right direction all you have to do is keep walking’, so that’s the plan…one foot in front of the other! Xx
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Tinkerbell,
Can you call your local DV outreach or Women’s Aid and ask if there are any women’s support groups around?
It’s so hard dealing with it on your own and you need kind support.
It would be great if you could do a Freedom course or attend a group. Have you had counselling? WA might have a number for donation only DV counselling.
Abusers isolate us and make us lose confidence in ourselves. It’s easy to continue like this after they’ve left. But you sound like a lovely lady, and you deserve support and friendship.
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