Safe in refuge

[Daisy Fairydust]

I honestly can’t believe I’m writing this to say that we are safe and in refuge. Leaving was scary and he was extremely threatening but we are free.
I am very fortunate that we are in our own self contained furnished property. I’ve had a couple of really good nights sleep but still moments of anxiety.
I didn’t think a year ago I’d ever get free. There’s a long road ahead but I’ll get there, lots of practical things to sort out which quite frankly terrify me but I’ll get there, it’s still all very fresh and new.
For those of you that are still stuck or waiting to go, you’ll find your way to do it.
Although I have a little anxiety my mind isn’t spinning anymore and is strangely calm.
Sending you all love and well wishes, stay safe. Xx

[KIP.]

I’m so happy for you. It’s a real rollercoaster but things will get better with time. Take all the help offered until the trauma subsides and you can do more and think more clearly. Meantime be very kind to yourself. It takes real guts to leave. Power to you x

[Daisy Fairydust]

Thanks KIP, it’s very surreal at the moment.
I know life will be difficult- he was so financially controlling and I’ve left with nothing but clothes and my kids but it will get easier. He’s already started spending our savings but let him. He’s playing the victim too, tried to flip it all on me but I know better. I’ve got so much positive support out there, he has one of my friends that doesn’t know what I endured looking after him, they’ve not really reached out to me. Xx

[KIP.]

Abusers are liars and manipulators. It’s typical for them to latch onto anyone who can get to you. She knows you’ve left him and it’s out of order for her to be looking after him. There’s not much you can do but to cut ties for the time being. And know the reasons why he is doing this are purely selfish. And controlling. Just concentrate on you and the kids just now and you can slowly build a better life for you all. Have you spoken to a solicitor? Half those savings are yours after separation so please take some legal advice x

[Daisy Fairydust]

Thank you both. I was doing really well in my little bubble but he messaged earlier, I haven’t opened it but the preview was enough to send me into a bit of panic. Very pleasant in his opening line, stark contrast from the threats I got last week. I want no contact with him, so will speak to my WA worker tomorrow as well as a solicitor. My kids are of an age where I don’t have to be involved. I was feeling guilty about CMS earlier and maybe we should try to come to an agreement but again, I don’t want to speak to him and actually don’t have too, I can fill in the thing online and let them know it’s domestic abuse so they’ll do it all. I think.
Xx

[Daisy Fairydust]

I’ve archived the message without reading it. Xx

[Hetty]

I’m so happy for you and your children. Take your time with anything more than just getting settled and having peace. It’s taken me weeks to get to the point where I could stomach even ringing the bank about joint account. You’re safe with your children and that’s the most important thing. You’ll get there, small steps. Sending you lots of love and positivity ❤️

[Daisy Fairydust]

I think that’s the wonderful thing about women’s aid, everything is take your time, do it in your own way. That’s how we fled too, I made sure the place was comfortable with some of our own bits and things that I’d bought without asking permission. I had the keys for a couple of weeks and when the moment was right did it.
I’ve had a brilliant relationship with my bank, the bank manager even called me to talk through a couple of things. I need to contact another lawyer just so that I have a choice and get the ball rolling that way.
But you’re right Hetty, it’s about small steps, doing things so as not to overwhelm. My gp has been amazing, I spoke to them last week and then the first one that I spoke to called the other day to check in and make sure I’m ok.
I’m extremely fortunate to be surrounded by an amazing support network, I’m so grateful for that.
Xx

[Watersprite]

Well done – so brave! You are not left with nothing – you have your freedom safety your kids and a future. I was the same – best thing I ever did. You are right it’s just the beginning it will be up and down but in time it will be better. block him. No guilt. CMS no guilt abusers lie and promise pots of gold at the end of rainbows you need authorities like CMS or they walk all over you. Stay strong – feel proud you are doing amazingly x

[Empoweredhealing]

Wow literally have tears in my eyes reading your success story. I’m just amazed at the strength all of you ladies have. So so well done and thank you for sharing!

[Daisy Fairydust]

We all have strength, strength when we’re enduring what we do at home, still raising children and carrying in with our day to day living, then strength when we leave.
I am utterly shattered, my mind is blank, calm but blank. Living with abuse when in lockdown and both working from home takes it’s toll. My kids are angry, not at me, but at their dad for not moving out. Their contact is woeful, he’s giving them an hour of his time each week. He’s a vile human being and still thinks he’s done nothing wrong and that I’m making up stories. Thing is, I’ve told only a small handful of people about what has actually happened.
Stay safe everyone xx

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