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Hi, I am new to the group. Does anyone have experience of similar situations as mine? I’m looking for help or support to care for my youngest child (note, I have a younger child than him but he’s the youngest from my abusive relationship). I’m heartbroken at how this man (and his partner) can continue to destroy our lives. Thank you for taking time to read this lengthy message.
I was in an abusive relationship for (detail removed by moderator), we had two sons together (aged (detail removed by moderator) and (detail removed by moderator) at the time of separation). It was not a nice separation, it was an absolute mess and there were periods of time where my children were taken by their father and hidden. I fought for two years to get the courts and social services to protect my children but honestly no one listened to me. I pulled myself from homelessness and poverty (with support from friends and family), I proved myself worthy of being their mum, despite the fact the abuser never once had to prove anything. I got my children back and at their request they stopped having contact with their father and his equally abusive partner.
Everything has been good at home, I’m married now and the children see him as their father (one even (detail removed by moderator)). But now it’s all resurfacing. My eldest clearly needs someone to talk to but at age (detail removed by moderator) now he has to take this step himself. My youngest age (detail removed by moderator) now is having nightmares about his dad. His dad is telling him (detail removed by moderator) in these dreams. He’s forcing himself to stay awake because he’s so scared. He feels afraid his dad will get into the house even though he admits he knows he can’t.
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Welcome to the forum. I’m so sorry to hear what you and your children have been through and I’m so sad to hear the lasting impact. I would imagine it’s resurfacing because they now feel safe enough to let it come up, whereas before the feelings and memories were tightly locked down. My kids are infant school age and I’m thinking through how to help them process what has happened. I don’t have any specific advice for your kids other than considering what professional services are available in your area. Perhaps your GP can help as certainly your youngest can’t wait a long time if his sleep is affected. Hopefully others will have some advice. Sending love of love xxxx
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Hi daisysanddiamonds,
Your post has struck a chord with me as I have read some similarities.
My son was also affected by the abuse and when he was primary school age I found counselling through Relate that was specifically for children and called Time To Talk. It was free but there was a little bit of a waiting list. My son had several sessions to share his experiences and help him through whatever he shared. The counsellor had to keep confidentiality so I was not told what my son shared, but it did seem to help him. I’ve put a link to it below
https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-children-and-young-people
When he got to senior school he had some more issues around contact with his Dad. The school were aware of the DA history and they had a school counsellor that they referred him to and he has some sessions during the school day. This was also free.
He is now a young adult and doing very well for himself and does not appear to have any underlying issues going on as a result of the abuse within his family unit.
xx
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