- This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 3 months, 1 week ago by
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My ex has send a gift for my child to my (detail removed by Moderator) house, and in that attached a letter requesting a (detail removed by Moderator) to send to him. I got advise from my solicitor, which I’m happy with, but does it ever stop. The constant harassment?? Feeling angry ans triggered. I’ve come too far to be pulled back in.
My ex has only met my child (number removed by Moderator) and he stated to professionals he wants nothing to do with my child. So why on earth would he think I would oblige to his request?! -
i suppose you always want to see the good in people & think someone is changing (into perhaps a father showing a genuine interest in his child). but sadly because of someones previous behaviour you can find yourself questioning if its only about control & manipulation. the gift & request has certainly achieved something as it has unsettled annoyed & confused you – which could have been the intention. and if so try really hard not to let your ex partner cause these feelings now that you & your child are away from him
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Yes, and it’s a lose-lose situation for you. If you give her the gift and (detail removed by Moderator) you’re playing into his game, if you don’t give her the gift and don’t (detail removed by Moderator) it’s just ‘yet more proof’ of what an awful person you are.
you’ve been set up to lose either way, and you’ll be getting stressed about knowing this too.Best response to give her the gift but don’t (detail removed by Moderator)? Just treat a gift from him as ‘normal’ no need for (detail removed by Moderator) or thankyou letters etc. (If it’s a birthday present then the day isn’t about him after all, it’s about your daughter.) It’s just a gift, doesn’t require a thankyou parade.
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I was told by someone who worked within a refuge that gifts are indeed still a form of harrassment if there is proof the person has been told to stay away or has said they don’t want involvement. So technically you can report it to police. If it’s ignored it can stop as its just their money being spent and it’s not getting them what they want and yes the triggered feelings do go in time. I used to pretend I bought them in the end or give them to a child in need through a charity. Unless he is watching your home he won’t know.
My ex used to do it because he had a failed relationship and so did this put the blur. Then when he got a new partner it stopped. They sometimes see their exes and children as back ups , so they have a constant supply and so try it on. Or to impress someone. Either way it’s never for the child and is never genuine. They know that good parents do this stuff so they mimic it to make themselves look better but you know what that person is really like.
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Hi, leading on from the last post I think there is a difference between gifts for an adult and gifts for a child. If an ex sends gifts to his former partner and she makes it clear they are unwelcome and then there continue to be numerous gifts, then this could be considered harassment especially if combined with other harassing or stalking behaviours.
Gifts to his own child are different. I think this is unlikely to be harassment unless there is a court order barring him from having any contact and he is breaching this. He could be seeking to re establish a relationship with his child, initially through cards and gifts, then seeking a court order for initially supervised contact etc.
You have a solicitor so they will be able to give you advice on child contact.
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