29th January 2016 at 3:58 pm #8579
My eldest daughter isn’t his but he’s been around most of her life. Our baby is only weeks old and I’ve just sent them both off to spend a few hours with him. I always swore I would not keep the children away from him if you ever broke up but I didn’t want us to brake up at all. I could never have imagined how hard it would be handing my children over to him when I’ve never had to do this before. My eldest daughters biological dad hasn’t seen her since she was a baby so this isn’t something I had to deal with with her. I can’t stand that we are no longer a unit. This is what brakes me the most. I hate that I have to share my children with him when he has destroyed me. I’m a total wreck and can’t stop crying
29th January 2016 at 4:01 pm #8580
What’s more- my beautiful daughter has drawn a picture of our dog to take to him because he loved the dog so much. She is so lovely and considerate. That’s down to how I bring her up- I know it is. It’s taking all my strength not to tell her to hate him. I won’t do that because I know she loves him dearly but I feel I’ve been left with nothing. That they will grow to enjoy their time with him more than me. After all what can I offer them when he’s taken everything I was
29th January 2016 at 4:12 pm #8584Confused123Participant
its ok to cry, remember u didnt break the family unit, he did, this is stage u go through, it used to kill me too thinking they spending happy times togheter with out me, but u have to focus on he never kept u happy, im so proud u walk out at this early stage, it took me (detail removed by moderator) years , what a waste of life, and your kids wont be emotional effected as mine were, u r prob going through trauma bonding , slowly in time u get used to been apart, never forget why u walk out, its whats gonna make u stronger, u can do this, talk to us ladies as much as u need to, dot forget u have just had baby too, so u going to be emotional anyway, use this time to papmper yourself with a soak in bath, face masks, watch a video . Again u said yourself he has taken everythingof u , why go back to him, we loved them dearly but they dont feel same cause they didint respect us
29th January 2016 at 4:13 pm #8585godschildParticipant
This must be so hard for you, but it shows what a wonderful mom you are to sheild your Daughter from the truth and you are their mom nothing can change that, they know you love them and they love you, feel so much for you xx
29th January 2016 at 5:44 pm #8589
I’ve spent the time painting the dining room. It used to be a dining room/ his studio but since he’s fine I’m turning it into a play room too for the kids. It’s keeping me busy and gives me a focus but this in its self is bitter sweet. I adored him and did everything to make him happy. I would smile seeing his things around the house. He played on everything and used it all as weeknesses against me
29th January 2016 at 8:47 pm #8594
This has really broken me today.. I was coping before just say to day. My daughters come home saying she loves us both and I have to be strong and be happy for her. I was almost coming round to the idea that he abused me and I was better off without him but now I’m back to square one. Wishing Id known what I could’ve done differently to make things ok again
29th January 2016 at 8:51 pm #8596
Also, I’m so used to hearing from him by now. All the contact is being arranged via my mum. In the past he’s usually sent me messages and tried to work his way back in. This time there is nothing! I keep checking my inbox and being so tempted to email him myself but if I did and he didn’t reply- it would only brake me more
31st January 2016 at 8:44 am #8689SadandconfusedParticipant
Don’t you see though that this is just another way to control you? He has abused you saying things like “He might get back with you” and blaming everything on you is classic. Have you read ” Living with the Dominator” or Lundy Bancroft “Why does he do that?” You can find both on free downloads if you google and it will open you eyes it really will. You are not mad at all this is another way to control you please get some help and contact your local Womens Aid my Support Worker is amazing and helped me through the first few months.
31st January 2016 at 12:47 pm #8705SavingmyselfParticipant
Just to let you know a good dad does not rant and rave when his baby is being breast fed
A good dad does not ever abandon his partner and children
A good dad does not hit his children’s mum when she is pregnant
A good dad shows his children that he is kind and supportive to their Mummy
He is not a good dad
When you were feeling so low the other day all he wanted to know is why you recorded him .. if he was really concerned about you that is the last thing he would of mentioned
When we are in it we can not see but as outsiders with experience of this we can see him for who he is very clearly .
If I wrote you the stuff my ex did to me you would tell me to get away as fast as I could and you would be right but as I was in the relationship I could not see all the abuse to me as clearly .
Big hugs xx
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