Should i apply for custody when i leave, or do i wait for his application?

[overcomer03]

Hope you’re all doing ok. So i now have a date for leaving and am a bit confused about what to do after leaving. I will be renting privately in an area not known to him.

When i leave, should i apply for custody soon as i leave, or should i wait for him to apply for custody then respond with my application as well. Those who have gone through this please help!! Solicitors’ advice is a bit unclear on this.

Thank you xx

[Lisa]

Hi overcomer03,

It’s difficult to say either way what you should do here as it’s really down to what you want and what feels best to you. You’re within your rights to protect your children’s wellbeing by stopping contact with him and he would need to go through the courts to re-establish this, so you could leave and wait for him to act. One thing to consider is that the same rights extend to him.

Leaving can be a really overwhelming time with so much to think about. I absolutely understand wanting to have everything planned in advance so you know exactly what you’ll be doing once you’ve left, but it’s also okay to take some time to think about what outcome you ultimately want and how best to achieve that. It sounds like you’ve already got at least some formal legal advice, you could also contact Rights of Women with any questions you have. They provide free legal advice informed by an understanding of domestic abuse and other violence towards women and they have a family law helpline that can advise on issues relating to children.

I’m sure other women on the forum have experienced similar situations and may be able to suggest more things to think about. Do bear in mind though that one of the forum rules is against sharing details of legal proceedings, so it may be that they’re not able to respond here.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[overcomer03]

thank you so much Lisa, i guess its just me trying to make sure that i have everything figured out before i leave. i will take your advice on board and also contact Rights of Women.

[terribleheadspace]

Heya

Unsure about your circumstances but I would say get as much support and advice as possible. Also if your kids go to school and are not changing schools maybe let the staff know your circumstances and that (maybe they could not stop him from taking them home I dunno) but at least warn them to contact you if he turns up.
(detail removed by Moderator). Maybe ask the solicitors what sort of injunctions you can get and whether some of those could also apply to protecting the children (if you think it’s necessary).

I do go to a domestic abuse group and it was staggering the statistics of abusers that go on to abuse the children in some form. I dont know why there is such a disconnect with domestic abuse workers and the legal system but be aware of this. That’s no dig at domestic abuse support workers but the legal system. Get as much evidence together as you can if your abuser is not suitable to look after the children. If it were me and you need financial support for the kid/s then I would go straight for CSA after you leave – they then have control, (detail removed by Moderator). Just things to consider.

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