Should I be nice even though he hasn’t?

[Janedoeissad]

I am planning my escape. I have a date in mind, but I’ve since found out he is going to hear about something life changing on that date (not life or death but pretty big).

I am debating whether or not to change my escape date. I want him to feel supported at that time, he has no one else. Despite the fact he has been incredibly cruel to me, I feel that being kind to him before I leave would be the ultimate revenge. Is that crazy?

Part of me feels that I want to be the bigger person and be nice regardless of how he has treated me. A bigger part though, thinks that if the news is bad, it will stop me from leaving altogether and I will be devastated that I didn’t go. But if I leave and its bad news, I would be giving him a double dose of bad news and I feel extremely bad about that, am I being daft?

I am going to ring the helpline for advice on a few things but was curious about peoples thoughts on this? Is there ever a good time to leave? Will I keep finding some reason that stops me from going?

[Tiffany]

You can’t wait for the perfect time to leave. It will never ever be the perfect time to leave. It will probably never be a good time to leave. I wouldn’t advise being vindictive or cruel in your last weeks, because quite frankly it could be dangerous, but I don’t think it would help you feel better either.

It isn’t your responsibility to make sure he is ok when stuff happens to him though. He doesn’t do it for you – he is the not ok thing that happens. It is his own fault he has no support network. You haven’t alienated him from it.

If you can I would leave before whatever this momentous event is. Can you bring your escape date forward a day or two so that you don’t get drawn in? Remember, you have to do what is best for you.

All the best Tiffany

[SunshineRainflower]

I agree with Tiffany, best to get out of there before this date arrives as it could change things and make it much harder for you to leave. Your safety is the most important thing, whatever news it is he will survive, and he wouldn’t have to deal with you leaving if he had treated you with kindness and respect so it’s not your problem that he will have to deal with whatever it is alone.

[Dragonfly]

My opinion is stuff him. Sorry don’t want to sound insensitive or that I haven’t understood your post but you owe him nothing. You’re an empath, he never will be. Please get out while you can xx

[Janedoeissad]

Thanks for all your replies.

Dragonfly you are so right. I am an empath. I also think I’ve been conditioned to always put his needs first. Not my own.

Every time I talk to someone about my situation a new element of control I hadn’t even noticed becomes apparent. Today I’ve realised with your help that he’s subtly, over time, made me put him first.

I think ultimately I’m scared of the aftermath as I know he will be the angriest I’ve ever seen him. But my freedom is worth going through that for.

[Emmlogan]

I also agree with Tiffany. If the news is bad, how long will you have to stay afterwards before you feel he will be ready for you to leave. What if he spirals into some kind of depression because of the news? Are you going to stay with this man for another year while he gets back on his feet? Sorry if I that sounds harsh but it could be the reality of what is coming your way. Get out as soon as you can. Any man who deserves the compassion you want to afford him wouldn’t be someone who would treat you in a cruel and nasty way. You deserve more. Get out as soon as you can 💖

[Confused123]

hey hun

there is never a right time to leave, if u wait for the news u will become more trap to stay, just go with your date u have set in mind. no matter how much we think of them they just tell us to f off

[Author]

Posts