Should I be sad?

[southernblues]

So I left my emotionally abusive husband (detail removed by Moderator) ago, my life is in turmoil as he won’t leave the house so I’m living out a suitcase at a family members – people keep asking if I’m ok and if I need a shoulder to cry on but even after over (detail removed by Moderator) of marriage I haven’t shed one single tear, I wouldn’t say I feel happy as I have so much to sort out but I feel free. My mum says it’ll all hit me soon enough but I feel….stable, can anyone relate? Am I about to get a tsunami of emotions at me? 😅

[Bananaboat]

You’ll probably get good and bad days as the trauma bond kicks in & out, but as for the rest it’s quite common. In fact I felt bad for not having that tsunami at times. I think it’s because we’ve already shed a thousand tears during the relationship, lost sleepless nights, begged for change, dreamt of better times etc and now there’s that feeling of relief. I remind myself that it’s a good thing others can’t relate, and it definitely doesn’t make us strange, just survivors x

[Pandapop5]

I’ve just left my emotionally abusive husband after five years together.I have five children the youngest one is his.And this is exactly how I feel I’m so relieved and I’m almost waiting for a flood of emotion to hit me and although I’m worried about him wanting to see our daughter at some point I feel so much happier just being able to relax in our new home together.

[lovesprollies]

I think the initial leaving period you’re happy to be out of their company, I was overjoyed being in a space of my own but after a while the reality of what happened started to set in. It’s been (detail removed by Moderator) since I ended things with my ex who was physically and emotionally abusive. I’m now in a place where I feel stuck and all the events I am trying to process but it’s made me a prisoner in my own home. I’m scared to go out and socialise, frightened of new people, and always worrying if they’ll come to my door. I constantly check my door to make sure it’s locked and I wish I could move past it, I’ve cried a lot since the initial happiness it was finally over but I think it’s all part of processing what’s happened. Before it all ended I was in a state of survival trying to get through each moment, now it’s as if my brain has the space to try and piece together exactly what happened.

[Eyeswideopen]

Hi, enjoy the moments you are not sad, but don’t beat yourself up when/if you suddenly do.
Something may trigger specific memories or feelings and you may be sad.
When going through the divorce I was feeling brave and determined, and I’m still sometimes at awe for having made it out, but no one gets in a relationship for it to end, so you may have better and worse days…
Just congratulations for getting out and good luck managing these often so conflicting emotions xx

[tryingtosleep]

Well done for getting out, southernblues.
I think sometimes (well for me) you have pushed all those emotions down for so long that it takes a long time for them to come back to the surface.
I also think if you are in an abusive relationship, in order to protect yourself – you learn ‘not to feel’.
So it takes a long time for those feelings to re-emerge.
Hopefully this makes sense? x

[Allornothing]

I relate to this and I do feel at some stage it will hit me, I’ve not had alcohol since as I don’t know which way my emotions will go which worries me haha – it will either be devastation or anger! With me, he still hasn’t stayed away and it sounds like your situation is still ongoing so I am sure once we have all completely cut ties, then it will possibly hit. xx

[tiredofitall]

Its been over a year since I was free and I felt the same. Kept waiting for the tears of loss but I think I was in that marriage for so many miserable years that I cried all my tears and did all my grieving for the life I wished I had. Now I feel overwhelming calm. The drama has gone.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t get angry about some of the things that he still says and I’m still outraged how he has the nerve to still be the victim and doesn’t hesitate in telling our children that…some things never change!
But the fact that I can choose not to reply to his messages, I’m not having the same arguments every day and he is not here as a voice in my ear telling me how awful I am.
Hope you are getting on ok x

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