Should I feel bad?

[EbonyRaven]

The council called me earlier to check that I wouldn’t take him back. He’s obviously gone to report himself homeless. He’d told her a lot of lies, and had embroidered some of the truth. I put her right on that.

Of course, I said absolutely not, and she then asked me if I could give him some money to stay in a B&B for a few nights. I almost asked her if she was serious. My head said: Umm, I’ve just told you he threatened me with a weapon, what do you think? I politely said that I could not afford it.

She then asked me if I could give him some of his things, including medication, and I said I had no objection to bagging clothes etc. up, however he wasn’t allowed in my vicinity. She asked me if I knew anyone who could bring things for him, and I explained that he has been very successful in isolating me over the years, so, no I didn’t know anyone who could. She then asked me if it was correct that he’d lived here that long and had no friends himself at all, and I confirmed that yes, he’s not very ‘sociable.’

She also asked me that if his parents could get money to me (he has no bank account), could I get it to him. So I explained again, that there is a restraining order, so no, not really. (Anyway, his parents have also consulted a solicitor to keep him away from them now).

She said that she was unable to house him and I said I was sorry to hear that, and if she found someone willing to collect things to please get back to me.

So, he’s probably on the streets in whatever he put on to go to the station. I just can’t bring myself to feel guilty though, although I would prefer him to be somewhere warm and dry.

Is that bad of me?

Also, should I advise the police of this? Now I’m thinking that I should.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Ebony, only you know what to do. Just remember these are the consequences of his behaviour to you, the consequences he had no doubt never ever entered into his head. He’ll find someone/somewhere, be strong. You could advise the police that he has no where to go, they could get him somewhere for the night, cos they would in no way expect you to sort this out. They might be able to liaise with him, get his stuff to him.
What did the housing officer expect you to do, ffs. I swear what part of your information did she NOT get.
These sadly are the consequences of his own doing.
IWMB 💕💕

[diymum@1]

Your only human ER you’re going to feel bad for him naturally being a descent person. His actions brought this on himself and he now has to shoulder that blame. What he did is so damaging and now your going to be recovering and that takes alot of time. He wasn’t thinking of you when he threatened you and isolated you from the people you love.I wouldn’t have given him the money either, he took that kindness and used it before. It’s time to say no more. I would black bag his stuff and maybe get a friend or family member to either take it to the local police station or council building that were processing his accommodation. I know that sounds harsh but sometimes it’s better to set a presidence. For your self more than anything, protect your self at all costs. Love Diy mum xx

[EbonyRaven]

Thank you. Yes, I think his stuff will get dropped off in her office. Let her smell it (I haven’t been doing his laundry since I told him I wanted him to go, so it’s not a pleasant aroma).

[diymum@1]

She didn’t sound like she had a clue about dv people in this sector deal with this everyday surely. I don’t understand why they don’t get more training xx has she got a suggestion box lol 😃n stick the smelly clothes under it lol I’m being horrible 😕love Diy xx

[Anonymous]

One of the reasons I st shed with my partner for so long is that I jus t couldn’t see him homeless. In the end he got bailed to his mum ‘s. I feel bad because she’s elderly, but she w as more than happy to keep sending him back to my house, knowing full well how abusive he is.

[EbonyRaven]

I’m reminding myself that I gave him ample time to find somewhere, and even offered to help look, or fill in forms, as well as point him to bond loan schemes etc.

I’ve logged it as an incident with the police, and submitted a complaint to the council.

Their website has a big panel about how coercion is a crime, so I’ve told them they need to show that to the staff.

[Iwantmeback]

That’s good what you’ve done ER💕how can frontline workers know how to deal with this if they’re not educated. It’s not a complaint against the individual as such mire the lack of knowledge.
IWMB 💕💕

[Doris]

Hi EbonyRaven, are you certain the call was from the council? It sounds highly fishy to me – would they really ask such questions? Did you get her name? Sorry – just my suspicious mind! X

[EbonyRaven]

Hi Doris, No need to apologise, I was suspicious too. I did get her name and it is in the complaint I made. I just think she’s not used to listening, and is more practiced at telling. A position of authority like that can go to someone’s head. My Father-in-Law said she was quite snotty to him as well.

I absolutely didn’t give any information to her in any case, and the police are aware of it too, so I don’t feel it will bring any harm my way.

I’m being really careful about what I say to anyone at all at the moment, and checking everyone’s ID and credentials. The lady from IDVAL sent me a text to arrange a meeting and I replied asking who she was, what organisation she was with, and how she’d got my details lol.

Once she’d explained I apologised and she said it was fine, and great to see I was being careful, so they really don’t mind you asking.

[Doris]

It’s so unbelievable that people in authority (especially women) can be so abrupt and hard. Well done ER. X

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