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Me and my husband have been together since we were teenagers we have two children and a home together. Over the years there’s been a few things that have happened such as tripping me up (timeframe removed by Moderator) after my c section and our baby in my arms. Hurting my arm so badly I had to go to hospital. This was all a long time ago but recently at a (specific detail removed by Moderator) he got drunk and punched (specific detail removed by Moderator) next to me; he said it was my fault because I was ignoring him. There’s been other things, name calling, ignoring me for days on end. Ruining birthdays etc. I have come to a point where I feel so low and I’ve had enough but I feel a lot of guilt- I will be ruining our family. I also feel like I’ve betrayed him and that I’m actually the problem. I guess I’m just looking for advice or if anyone’s in similar position. It’s so hard because right now he’s being a great husband and dad and I find it so confusing.
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His behaviour is intentionally confusing.
Abuse tends to go in cycles – if they were punching (specific detail removed by Moderator) daily who would stay with that. Thats a much clearer form of abuse.
Theres all kinds of stuff that goes on beneath the surface, much of which you may not be even recognising. I certainly wasn’t in my own situation.
We become so well schooled they barely have to make an effort in the end. We think about our every move to try and dodge a problem and mostly its still not enough….because we’re not actually the problem. They are.
You’re not ruining your family. HE is. He’s not a good dad/husband at all. He’s just playing at being one right now. The control is still there lurking underneath it all.
Abuse is never the abused person’s fault. They just make you believe that to control you further
It might be worth you looking up the different kinds of abuse online. Dig deep. Educate yourself…physical abuse…not usually just there out of the blue on its own. It might help you to lose some of that guilt if you can gain some understanding of how abusers work and the effect it has on us – and it might help you to break free of it all.
Hope you’re ok x
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