Should I stay or should I go…

[deathangel]

A rhetorical question really, because what I am about to say will ring alarm bells. I have attended one Freedom Programme session. I have read all the books and am working on the workbook at home. I feel stronger now already. I have been grieving the loss of what never was, so so down lately. So very down and have been in touch with good friends from the past who I lost touch with.

Anyway…I asked him to get rid of all the weapons in our house. There are loads. They are there just in case some bad nasty comes knocking and he has to defend us. According to him. I don’t want any weapons in my house. I do not believe in violence solving anything. He knows this. Yet when asked to remove them. He said no. They cost a lot of money and they are his. He has had them for years, so why am I aksing him to get rid of them now? I am not okay with them, with any of them. Where is this big bad enemy that is going to come knocking for him/us? So tired today of the excuses, there are always excuses, no matter what is asked of him, there are ALWAYS excuses. There is always something else to blame. I know deep down it does not matter if he has never physically assaulted me. He told me to get a grip and he is fine. Really? What?

I am tired. I want out. Maybe I did this to escalate something? He thinks I am going to grass on him. Yes, this could escalate. I am not scared. I knew he was not changing. I know he probably cannot. Gave him the leaflet for the local perpetrators group. He says he phoned them. He does not want to be called “one of those men”. But he is one of those men!

Am not sure what to do even though I am veering towards I just want a nice, peaceful happy life that I deserve. I have wasted my son’s age in years on time wasters. I am so angry with myself!

[deathangel]

p.s. I did not threaten to grass on him, he came to this conclusion on his own.

[AppleNinja]

Hi Deathangel,

Having just read through some of your previous posts, it’s clear that you’re very unhappy.
Please do not be angry with yourself. Of course, we blame ourselves when recognize the abuse for what it is, for wasted time, for letting him manipulate you, for not realizing it sooner etc. You stay on because you don’t want to disrupt and hurt people, especially when there’s no physical abuse, you question if you’re doing the right thing by wanting to leave. But it is psychological abuse and he seems very unstable. Things can only get worse.

He is abusive and aggressive and the stash of weapons in your home is concerning.

Hugs
AppleNinja

[deathangel]

Thanks for your reply AppleNinja.

There are so many emotions swirling around in me at the moment. The biggest one is sadness. An overwhelming sadness that is heavy and tired. I feel leaden. I was reading through something I noted from one of the many self-help books I have recently binged on.

Establish healthy personal boundaries. What are you no longer willing to tolerate? Make your boundaries firm and clear. Boundaries are limits on what you’ll accept from others.

Having weapons in our house is not acceptable, it never was, but I brushed it aside, just as he did and is still doing. He does not like/accept my boundaries. He never has. Get a grip? No, I do not need to get a grip, this is not acceptable. He needs to get a grip. He is fine? No he is not fine pushing what I will and will not tolerate aside yet again. I am fine…no, no I am not fine. I am very angry. That he thinks this is okay. That he thinks keeping loads of weapons in the house is okay.

I have a right to expect a certain level of respect and consideration from others. Yes I do. And this is something he has never done. Not consistently. Not for very long.

[Ayanna]

Do you have an option to rent a flat for yourself?

You could grass him up and tell the police you refuse to go home because of the danger you are in there.

The weapons will be gone and he will be arrested. Your perfect opportunity to escape.
Plan your way out.

[Author]

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