Shouldn’t have left

[Blanket123]

I have been with my husband a long time and we have an early teenage daughter. He has always been controlling and lots of put downs. Things have been getting worse with more frequent anger. We tried couples counselling… But he didn’t go back after being gently challenged by the therapist. So really felt we reached the end of the road and I told him I was seeing a solicitor and wanting to divorce. Things then became much worse with him trying to pressure me into giving up my rights in terms of the financial stuff and also stopping me spending time with our daughter by either taking her to be with him or coming in if she was in a room with me. I made the decision to find a flat to rent nearby for me and my daughter. He then told her that he is going to keep the house and that she can live with him. He told her I would have to pay maintenance if she agrees to live with him more and that will allow him to keep it. She told me she thought she would like to stay with him more. Over the next few weeks though she has clearly enjoyed spending time with me in the flat and now tells me she just wants us to sort out the living arrangements for her and she doesn’t want to be involved. (legal detail removed by Moderator) He’s refusing to consider 50/50 care (I was always the main carer and frankly he just swanned in to play with her at the weekend but never in the morning as he always needed a lie in). He is really controlling how much contact she has with me. He’s deliberately telling me I can have her on the days I work long days but not on days I don’t work. I think he is using her to punish me. So I am now of the opinion that I should never have left. When I was there I could protect her and now I can’t. He’s going to drag things very slowly though the legal system so that I can’t have her. And he’s going to financially destroy me. (legal detail removed by Moderator) So he is still controlling what I do too. I’m not really sure there is much point in going on

 

[Lisa]

Hi Blanket123,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing what you’re going through. Abusers will use whatever they can to continue their control, even after a woman leaves. It’s extremely common that they use children as part of this as they care more about keeping control than about the wellbeing of their own children. It’s also really common that they will use the divorce process to abuse. You might find Rights of Women helpful. They provide free legal advice with specialist knowledge around domestic abuse.

You’re not alone in what you’re going through and hopefully some of the other women here will be able to reply to you soon.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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