Shouting

[Strube]

I’ve been so stressed recently and my children’s behaviour has gone downhill due to (suspected) emotional manipulation from their father. I have found myself shouting at the children a lot. They don’t listen to me and I feel powerless. They laugh at me when I make requests and make sarcastic comments. I’m aware that it sounds like I’m making excuses for my shouting. I hate myself for it.

I’m so scared I’m damaging my kids emotionally 🙁

[Anonymous]

Hi Strube,

I have been where you are and sometimes kids just push your buttons. I have learnt to remove myself when I feel so wound up because otherwise it turns into who can shout the loudest competition. The kids don’t listen when you yell and for a while if you change your tactics they still won’t listen but eventually if you are insistent that you won’t be shouted at and point out to them that you are not being sarcastic, swearing or shouting at them and you require the same back before you will discuss things with them. they realise the only response they are going to get is when they are calm and respectful. I have found this does work but not so much on days like today where they know I am upset and they want to push my buttons a little bit more so I snap back at them. I also make it a habit to apologise if I am snappy it is my way of encouraging them to do the same when they are in a bad mood. None of us are perfect parents and the only thing we can do is the best we can. This works for me it may for you or it may not x

[Suntree]

Been there.

I have one that if you ask nicely or firmly doesn’t do anything.
the laughing was the protective behavour from them too.
I’ve stopped shouting in the main.
I now do the this is your last time to be asked, almost like a count of 3. ten something will happen. I always say what will happen and I always have to follow through.
They have been brought up with people saying things and not following through, good or bad.
I follow through everything the good and the bad.
Its hard.

We have chats about being a team member and how what if chats to help them see things from another perspective when things are calm.

The one thing I have on my side is they no-longer see the abusive side of the family and that is helping a lot.

Must admit I still shout sometimes like getting them to move their butts in the morning. Today not one word of shouting. long may it last.

[Tuppance]

Hi
I agree with Imagine. Yes, I do end up shouting at times, through sheer frustration and the kids have no respect for me as I think they picked it up from their dad but I always apologise if necessary, explain and follow through with any enforcements. Yes, it will take time but I want my kids to know thY consequences are a reality and. That I am stronger now. Consistency is the key. X*x

[Author]

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