Silent treatment

[ocean20]

What is it with n*********s and abusers and the silent treatment? I would love to know.
My OH is so predictable when it comes to not getting his own way or things not going exactly as he wants. He will blow up massively (world is against him), but at the very least he will give me the silent treatment and be really off, but completely deny he’s off. It used to really upset me but now it infuriates me.
In the past he has been unfaithful when we’re have had a little fight, so whenever we do and he gives me the silent treatment my mind instantly goes to a place of where is he, who is he with and he knows this because I’ve told him.
But still the silent treatment and complete denial he’s being short with me. It’s so frustrating!
Rant over.

[Karisqq]

I hate silent treatment too, bc its the way they tried to tell you that you have to make up the mess since its all your fault, and when you say sorry they will say some tough words again. I hate that feeling, its like you can do nth but apologise for sth you didn’t do wrong, since they just don’t listen to you all they want is an apology

[ocean20]

You’re right. It’s another way to make you feel crazy. They’ve done / said nothing so what can we have a problem with?
He is just so so nasty.

[Taylor]

I am experiencing this and it drives me insane its actually the worst thing anyone can do. Mine gives me snippets he sees me on his terms then walks away then nothing. I will ask him if hes met someone else its how hes behaving or is he chatting to someone he will give me blunt replys then i get silence he will send me a message i reply back then nothing again its mental torture

[Bananaboat]

They do it because it works, awful isn’t it. But it triggers us as empathetic people to take on the burden & solution – most of the time he’s done something wrong, knows it but won’t admit it, goes silent and we end up asking forgiveness somehow! Or we ‘learn’ not to mention that thing again. It also triggers feelings of abandonment and a fear in us that we’ll lose him/our family. Thanks brain!  But near the end I learnt to enjoy the silent treatment. I used it to say sod you in my head and go upstairs on my own, watch tv, read a book or whatever. Don’t get me wrong the anxiety was still there, I can still feel how tight my stomach went just typing this and I’d dread needing to ho down for a drink – to the point I kept emergency food & drink upstairs but just taking back that slice of control or enjoyment helped. They’ll tantrum and for as long as they want regardless of what we do or don’t do, they enjoy the power so don’t beg, cry or apologise (he enjoys that), so be safe and do you while you ride out this particular silent treatment x

[ocean20]

All of this is so true. You’ve hit the nail on the head. Thank you x
My kind is so frazzled at the moment I struggle to make sense of stuff but all of that is so true.
My safe place is my (detail removed by Moderator) and I do squirrel snacks away up here too! It’s mad that we have to do that. X

[Texas]

I experienced this.  I just treated them like a sulking child and ignored them until they got over themselves, similar to Bananaboat.  Still not a nice thing to go through though, and not constructive.  After all, I’d lost my powers of telepathy to understand what is was all about lol.

[ocean20]

I know what you mean I do try this but sometimes I just want to stand up for myself, but then when I do I quickly realise it’s pointless.

It’s like they’re completely blind to anything they might do that’s upsetting or hurtful. They’ve fully convinced themselves they’re never in the wrong.

[Beachrunner]

Silent treatments were one of my ex’s favourite weapons. It was horrible. I got the silent treatment if I went out with friends, if he felt we weren’t  intimate enough or if I used my phone away from him in another room- because I course I was texting other men! The worst part is that he would deny it! He would say ‘I’m not angry’ ‘I’m not ignoring you’. But he was and it made me doubt myself and feel like I was crazy! That was the worst part. Mind games!

[ocean20]

That sounds exactly the same as me. It’s awful isn’t it. It sounds like nothing but it’s very effective in making us feel rubbish. I’m sorry x

[Author]

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