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How long does the silent treatment go on. I was very insecure when I met him a few years ago and he’s never been very understanding and uses it against me. I asked him the other night (detail removed by Moderator) and he turned. Told me he thinks I have an agenda that I’m watching him that he’s put up with this for years. That he can’t do what he wants that I’ve made him not talk to people and the way I’ve been. I was very uncomfortable when we met as he was talking to an ex. I’d just met him and just let him know I felt uncomfortable.he was very defensive at the time and said he doesn’t like to be told what to do. He blocked her. I didn’t ask him to. He’s never shown any empathy towards my feelings and now after me asking (detail removed by Moderator) he has told me again that he doesn’t believe me when I say I was genuinely interested. I defend myself and tell him I feel like I can’t move on from my past how I was. I have endured constant p***y footing around trying not to set him off. I can’t reason with him he never sees my side and turns it all around. He twists the truth and I lose my temper trying to stick to the real facts. I get the silent treatment told I can’t have an intellectual conversation with him, he gets me in such a muddle I go to pieces. His temper is extreme and he’s been physical but never is he accountable or sorry. He seems to have no logical rational mind with things just negativity and problems with everything. I’ve had the silent treatment since (detail removed by Moderator). I tried to send an olive branch today. I’ve been told he can’t go on like this or he’ll do something silly, he can’t walk properly he’s so stressed and it’s all because of me. All I did was defend the truth I knew in my heart of showing an interest in him. He doesn’t forget anything I’ve done or said it’s logged to use whenever he pleases even after we have sat and discussed things and I feel like it’s dealt with. Clearly not for him. My past, how I have been insecure, everything about me. At the time of discussion he seems to understand so why then is it used against me time and again. I don’t bring up his physical violence I don’t want to it’s not needed. So here I sit on day (detail removed by Moderator) of the silent treatment alone and at a loss yet again waiting for him to decide when he wants to come to me and play the victim x
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Hello Munchkin04
How are you feeling this morning? I hope this reply helps you to not feel so alone? I just wanted to reach out to you and say… Your life reminds me of mine. As for how long the silence treatment goes on? That’s a question noone can really answer without knowing your partner isn’t it. I can tell you though, I would make the best of peace and quiet if your able? my partner doesn’t leave alone when things are bad. And that’s soul destroying too. Take care of yourself -
Oops! Sorry Munchkin04, I lost half of my reply to you when sending, I edited and extended on what I had said to try and show my empathy and sympathy towards you and what your going through but made a mess of it as it looks. I do hope your able to get some replies and an answer to the question you posed. When will it stop? I guess he will always see himself as the Victim, I have one like that! Good luck to you
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Thank you for replying. It means so much to be able to offload. I have so much I want to scream from the rooftops. I tried last night to break the silence. Asked (detail removed by Moderator) was the reply. Then he went to his room. He always says to me when we fall out (detail removed by Moderator). I am trying but not getting anything back. I’ve (detail removed by Moderator). No reply. It’s madness how an argument can go on like this. I’ve never had this before and it feels like I have a constant knot inside wanting to tell him how I feel. It will get me nowhere as all he sees is me as his enemy. I have told myself to get on with my life for now and I will not be apologising to him as I have nothing to apologise for. I will listen when he eventually comes round. Listen to him tell me how he sees me and what I’ve done and how he is feeling. I will keep my feelings to myself as I’ve learnt he won’t be interested. It’s just a mad circle of up and down. It comes from nowhere. I’m bobbing along so happy only to be brought down just by opening my mouth innocently. Thank you again x*x
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It’s awful isn’t it. My advice from my personal experience would be stop trying, don’t try and talk to him except maybe a hello to gauge his mood. He’s enjoying making you suffer. So as hazy days said, enjoy the peace, do your own thing which might be going to bed early, watching tv, it doesn’t have to be big. If he’s like my ex then he’ll just come in one day and expect everything to be normal as if he hasn’t ignore you for days. It’s so sad that we feel like we have to switch off parts of us to get through these episodes but that’s how they control & manipulate. Hope you’re ok x
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Your welcome! Munchkin04 And hey! Scream it out here! the stuff you need to scream out, don’t keep your feelings inside, it isn’t healthy if their damaging. Find relief here. Then you can go off and enjoy the peace and quiet without that knot in the stomache feeling of needing to be heard. Because you will have been, here! Until next time 💞
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It’s what they do munchkin, they need “complete” control over “every” situation and bare grudges like no one else, they don’t like the truth they don’t like facts, they like to be right,they like to take, they project (it’s one of their main traits, it’s what he’s been doing to you) they won’t take responsibility (unless it’s something good) they have to gain be above blame shift be the “right” one be the good one and in doing so everyone else has to be the opposite, it’s the way they are you can’t change them (unless they really want to change and there’s usually motives) they are just delusional, the silent treatment is gonna go on for however long “he” decides and then he’ll make you apologise or make it up to him (even though it probably wasn’t your fault) they’re in their own warped delusional world it’s just the way it is
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Hi munckin04 I was in a very similar position to you, my ex used my insecurities against me and confused me with word salad conversations. I agree with whoever said take time for yourself and ignore him (I know it’s hard I literally felt like I was going crazy when my ex did it and I think he just like watching me suffer). Maybe if he sees it’s not bothering you he might decide to talk sooner?
Omg auriel you have just described my ex perfectly!
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Its abusers for you @redstrawberry they all pretty much have the same .m.o really (your the third member this week that’s said I’ve done that)
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Thank you so much ladies. Auriel you have it in a nutshell. The latest is I’ve had to listen to him tell me (detail removed by moderator). Been told all the things I have not done which I know to my core isn’t true. He doesn’t want intimacy with me and he’s been ok since he hasn’t spoken to me and slept really well. He spoke again about my past and how my insecurities have caused him upset. I didn’t apologise I just listened crying inside. He said he’s going to get on with his life and I should do the same and think about whether I want to be around now. He said he doesn’t see an us at the moment and doesn’t know if he ever will again. I am dying inside. I hate him but I love him if that makes sense. I hate what he does how I feel listening to him. I enduringly mentioned his (detail removed by moderator) to which he said that I have caused more upset. I said I said it endearingly it’s the things I notice and love about him. Maybe I’m insensitive. I can’t say anything to him he takes it messes with it turns off into something it’s not. I talk facts he doesn’t like that he turns that around and gets defensive. There’s no logic. Aaaarrrrrggggghhhh! I feel like he’s pushing me into a corner and make a decision here. X
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You’re not insensitive, quite the opposite!! You’re probably highly sensitive and empathetic which is why he chose you.
It the trauma bonding keeping you hooked, that hope of him being the version you love & like. It’s so hard to break but he’s not the lovely man he sold himself as and he’s making you miserable. You deserve happiness and like you say it’s not logical and he’s wanting you to either end things so he can be the victim, or say you want to stay and will become more submissive to what he wants you to be. xx
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I get you munchkin04 i have this too. Mine often tells me how he doesnt love me how un attractive i am how we are most likely over how im just habit now then rolls over and falls asleep then in the morning pretends it never happened. Its a real nasty hurtful thing isnt it.
Sadly i dont see it ever stopping its what they do sweetie its all part of the cycle that many of us too many know so well.
What you say makes perfect sense here. Xxxxxxx -
When does the silent treatment end? I chased him all afternoon (detail removed by Moderator). Then I spent whole day finding him petrified he was going to hurt himself n he turned up at home n I was still out looking. I haven’t slept all night n he hasn’t spoken. Endless mind games
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