Sleep

[Newbeginnings1234]

It’s been months since I left and I’m still having trouble sleeping. It takes me hours to get to sleep as everything that’s happened just constantly plays on a loop in my head and every time I hear a noise I feel like I’m back in my old house, hearing my Husband coming up the stairs. When I do eventually get to sleep I have dreams about him. Sometimes they’re dreams where I’ve got back together with him and I’m trying to figure out how to leave and sometimes they’re nightmares where he’s chasing me or breaking into my flat. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel like I’ve dreamt about him but I can’t remember. Even when I’m just lying in bed trying to get to sleep I just have this tense feeling, like I’m waiting for something to happen (I always dreaded nights when we were together, as I could avoid him all day but not at night, and during the day he would often tell me that he’d leave me alone if I promised to sleep with him later. I would always hope that he’d forget, but he never did, so I would go to bed knowing what was going to happen. I would just lie in bed, desperately trying to go to sleep before he went to bed, panicking every time I heard a noise that meant he might be coming up the stairs). I’ve tried everything I can think of to help me sleep, but nothing helps. I went to my GP and he prescribed medication to help me sleep, but I stopped taking it as it was making me even more tired during the day and it made the nightmares seem even more realistic, I would wake up thinking that they had really happened. I’m so fed up with constantly feeling so tired that I can barely do anything, but never being able to sleep. Does anyone have any tips that might help me sleep? Honestly, I’m willing to try absolutely anything at this point, I’m just so exhausted.

[KIP.]

Counselling is good. Also, practice mindfulness and keep it next to your bed so you put it on when you wake and it relaxes you again. Try to go to bed and get up at the same time.no napping during the day if you can help it. No alcohol or caffeine. Exercise and eat and drink well. I used to sleep with the light on and the radio on low so when I woke I knew instantly where I was. Keep all stresses to a minimum. Accept that it will take time for your brain to process all the trauma. The Body Keeps The Score is a good book. Mostly it is time and zero contact that I found most helpful. Accept there will be bad times. Imagine a red balloon and put the bad thoughts in that and imagine it floating away with the nasty thoughts.

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thanks, I’ve been thinking about buying a lamp that isn’t very bright as I can’t sleep if it’s too light. I sleep with a white noise app on, but it’s the same one that my Husband used which probably isn’t helpful, but I can’t sleep without it. I also have to have a fan on as he used to keep the bedroom really cold all the time, so now I get too hot without a fan on. I’ll look into mindfulness, that sounds like it might be helpful. I haven’t had any contact with my Husband since the day I left, so hopefully it will get better eventually x

[KIP.]

Try slowly removing the fan. Open a window instead. You want to remove yourself from the memories of what your ex did. The mindfulness tapes are voices that slowly relax you so a nice female voice might help you relax. You’re in charge now x

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thanks, I’ll try that x

[HopeLifeJoy]

I’m very pro medication and when I had those screaming nightmares and insomnia, I went straight to my GP and she prescribed strong sleeping pills which knocked me out for the night. No dreams. No nightmares. Just deep sleep. Wonderful. I can highly recommend it.
I would suggest to go back and demand to increase you dosage or change and try another brand, something very strong.
I needed 9 hours of sleep per night minimum, and I mean really sleep, with my eyes shut no distractions, so go to bed really early in order to be able to stand up in the morning.
Then first thing in the morning drink plenty of water to dissipate the fog and a nice strong cup of coffee too and exercise to get your blood pumping new oxygen into your lungs. I also open my window wide in the mornings, no matter the temperature outside. For fresh air. This will definitely wake you up I’m telling you.

I think counseling would help you indeed. Talking about those steps, it seems it is a recurring dream which needs addressing.

Wishing you peaceful nights 😴✨🌙

[Newbeginnings1234]

My GP wouldn’t prescribe sleeping pills because they’re addictive, he prescribed antidepressants which can also help with sleep. I was on the lowest dose but even though I was taking them in the afternoon, I still felt really horrible and drowsy all the time but I still couldn’t get to sleep at night, only during the day. I thought about buying over the counter sleeping tablets but it feels like there’s no point because you can only take them for a short period of time, so once I stop taking them I’d feel even worse. That’s what’s happened now, I stopped taking the medication and now I’m finding it even more difficult to sleep than I did before I started taking it. I also found that I would sometimes take them quite late in the evening just so that I could sleep through most of the next day without having to deal with anything, which isn’t helpful. I’ve been having counselling for a few months but it’s not really helping, but I’ll try going to bed earlier and opening the windows in the morning x

[KIP.]

I didn’t take sleeping tablets but was prescribed strong antihistamines which had the side effect of drowsiness. They were good short term. Medicine has its place I think as a transition until you’re in a good place to help yourself x in the first few months there wasn’t much that would help me sleep I was in such a high state of alert. That slowly went with time and as I took back control of my life.

[Newbeginnings1234]

I think that’s what it is, I’m just always in a state of alert and no matter how tired I am I just can’t relax. I thought I’d feel better than this by now but maybe I just need to wait a bit longer x

[HopeLifeJoy]

I’m sorry your GP doesn’t sound helpful, can you possibly change doctor?
Anti-depressants aren’t strong enough against nightmares. Sleeping pills aren’t addictive. You’ll need to respect the intake of your prescription, building up your dosage, monitor the quality of your sleep and reduce the amount slowly over a few weeks or months time when you think it’s been enough. It really worked wonders with me. Knocked me out decently for the entire night. I had more help with those sleeping pills then anti depressants ever did for me.

[Newbeginnings1234]

Maybe I’ll go back and see a different doctor. Antidepressants have never worked for me but I really hoped that this time might be different as I was taking them for sleep rather than depression, but it didn’t make any difference. I need something that will help me sleep at night but wears off by the morning, as I couldn’t even get out of bed after taking the tablets I was prescribed x

[KIP.]

Relaxation exercises like mindfulness reduce the anxiety and therefor the adrenaline which courses round our veins x

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thanks, I’ll have a look online and find some x

[Tiffany]

I still have intermittent insomnia. Night time was one of my exes favourite times to torment me, so I still find getting to sleep difficult sometimes, and a (removed by moderator) years ago, when I was still (removed by moderator) it was significantly worse. My absolute lifesaver was audiobooks. The key thing was to keep my mind distracted enough to keep it out of the “walking on eggshells” mindset that nights with my abuser had caused. More than anything else it was anxiety that kept me awake, and switching my brain out of that loop was vital. I found that lying awake, even if I wasn’t thinking about the abuse could kickstart that anxiety state, where I couldn’t fall asleep. And once I hit that anxiety state I would start going back to thinking over the abuse. Still do as a matter of fact.

After a week or so I started just abandoning any hope of falling asleep and just lay in the dark listening to audiobooks at a low volume, so as not to disturb my housemates. I mostly picked books I already knew, and found soothing, and quickly found that I would fall asleep while listening. Then if I woke up instead of worrying or getting angry with myself for not sleeping I would listen to some more of my story. These days I use an app which I can set to turn off after various timeslots up to an hour. On a good day I will only set it to play for 15-30 minutes and will be asleep before it stops. On a bad day, I still occasionally need to reset for a second hour. Audible gives you your first book for free, if you fancy trying it.

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thanks, I’ll try that. I think it’s anxiety that’s part of the problem for me too. I dread going to bed, so as soon as I get in bed my heart starts beating faster and I can’t breathe properly, which makes it even harder to sleep. I’ll try listening to an audiobook before I go to sleep and see if it helps x

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