Slightly broken after ** I left

[Ifandwhen]

I left the home (timeframe removed by Moderator) ago, I have moved area to starting again with a different domestic abuse team, they have been supportive, but had the 1st contact with them. weekend hit me the most, I messaged my abuser when I left (timeframe removed by Moderator) ago and didn’t hear anything, I thought I’d be ok , but I have been far from ok, everything has hit me in waves,  I wake up seeing him stood at the bedroom door even though I know I’m in a safe place.

I smiled the other day and felt guilty instantly, I don’t sleep and wake up with my heart beating, I know it’s only been (timeframe removed by Moderator), my abuser did not contact me till (timeframe removed by Moderator) and wants to meet (timeframe removed by Moderator) to discuss the future, I can’t reply but know this also make him angry by not relying. He gave the impression to someone close that he was going to do end his life the other day and then (timeframe removed by Moderator) said he’s sorted housing and job and then the text let sort out what we are going to do going forward.
I want this stage to end , my head doesn’t think clearly and I just need to sleep.

[Cherries]

Hi.

I know its hard to hear, but the suicide threats are a common tactic. Whether or not he is serious, it is NOT your responsibility to save him. He needs to get help from a qualified person.

Is he normally playing the victim?

He’s heartbroken you’ve left him, can’t live without you kind of scenario do you think?

Since he said this to a friend he could be using it to draw you back in or he could be making himself out to be the one broken by the ending of things for sympathy.

In a normal healthy relationship that ends, you dont wake in terror fearing they are in the doorway.  You dont feel guilty for smiling. You dont overthink whether replying or not will make them angry and what the consequences of that might be for you.

He’s conditioned you.

Do you really WANT to meet him. Because if you don’t.  If you’re doing it to appease him. If you dont want a future with him (normal if he abused you you shouldn’t feel guilty for that) then dont feel obliged to meet him. You have the right to choose here. Either way. Meet him or dont but dont let him make you feel like you should. Let it be YOUR choice.

Its early days, yet. The end of a relationship is always hard. Give yourself time to cry. Its absolutely ok to do that. You dont have to be tough just because you were the one that went. Take care x

[Ifandwhen]

Thank you for your reply , family and friends are getting on with their weekend and I don’t want to bother them , thank you x

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