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Hi, not quite sure where to start. I’ve just bought a house with my partner, and on the weekend of moving in, he completely lost it with me. We’d had a lovely evening playing cards, a few drinks ( nothing excessive) and I then went onto Facebook . That’s when it all started. (detail removed by moderator)
I got into bed, he went to the bathroom then came charging out leaning over me in bed shouting ‘ f**k you’ over and over, telling me to stop pretending to be scared. I went downstairs to sleep on the sofa (detail removed by moderator). He then started looking for his car keys (detail removed by moderator), I can’t remember how I ended up on the floor but he kicked me in the ankle and my hand was also hurt. I was agreeing with everything he said, then (detail removed by moderator) that’s when I ran out of the house. I hid behind some bins but thought he would find me so ran along a road till I saw a house with lights on and asked them to call the police. He got arrested, but I was made to feel as though I had done something wrong. He was released (detail removed by moderator)
we are in the same house but I feel as though I’m on eggshells constantly. He can’t remember the night and has apologised profusely, has an appointment with the dr and says it will never happen again.
He’s under extreme stress from his ex using his children (detail removed by moderator)
What he did is not ok , but I’m so confused. He says I make him feel inadequate etc and he clearly has his own issues going on,
I don’t know what to do, I feel sick, have the heavy knot in my chest , but also trying to be normal and as if nothing is wrong.
I’ve told my brother who says he wants nothing to do with him, so feel as though there will be times I have to choose .
I feel as though it’s just a matter of time before I leave, but no idea how or when because of the mortgage.
I’m also wondering meeting if that was his breaking point from his ex, or the real him 🙁 -
Welcome to the forum Downnotout,
This sounds like it was such a frightening assault that you experienced. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling confused and not able to relax or feel safe being in the same house as him now.
No matter what stress he is under, there is no excuse for abuse. Him saying you make him feel inadequate is a way of putting the blame for what happened on you instead of taking responsibility for his own behaviour. He is entirely responsible.
It can take time to process what’s happened and how you’re feeling. You could contact our Live Chat service (available every day) and speak with a support worker in more depth to explore your options. You may also want to get some legal advice about your situation with the mortgage. Rights of Women offer free legal advice, there’s lots of information on their website and they have a Family Law Advice Line you could call.
You could look into a type of injunction called an Occupation Order that could order him not to live at the house for a fixed amount of time and that might give you some breathing room while you get support and decide what you would like to happen. DV Assist specialise in injunctions used around domestic abuse and have a 24 hour helpline where you can get more information.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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