So confusing, it’s exhausting

[Confusedmumma]

Long time lurker, first time poster. Some days I feel that my life is perfect, I have lovely children, a house, a job, an husband who is dad to the children, he can be good to me and is good with the kids, I am genuinely so, so happy and grateful. I feel like a fraud for being in this forum and for ever attending the freedom programme (despite learning about the cycle etc). Then at the flick of a switch it goes sour. No physical harm but walking on eggshells constantly to avoid the switch being flicked and the names coming out / raised voice / general tense atmosphere (timeframe removed by Moderator) was that I’m the biggest c**t he’s ever met, and this was down to a “miscommunication” at dinner. How can things be so good and so bad at the same time, how are you meant to know what’s best for the kids. I can’t bear to spend a day or more away from them which is why I have continued to take it but it kills me to think that they will think the bad times are normal and could end up in a relationship where they’re spoken to badly. Sometimes I feel maybe I’m overreacting as I am sensitive (although I feel almost numb towards his words now) then I think of the kids and I’d hate for them to be spoken to in the way he speaks to me and think it is ok. Just needed to vent, thanks for reading if you made it to the end.

[Confusedmumma]

Just wanted to add, he always says that saying someone is “acting like a *insert rude name*” is completely different to calling them the name outright so again it makes me second guess myself. If a friend was saying this to me I know what I’d be telling them but it’s so hard when feelings and little ones are involved.

[Confusedmumma]

Well we seem to be on a roll with the names. (timeframe removed by Moderator) I tried explaining myself and my actions from (timeframe removed by Moderator) in case he did genuinely feel I did things on purpose to frustrate him etc. impossible to finish a sentence and (timeframe removed by Moderator) been called a waste of space.

[Lisa]

Hi Confusedmumma,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (currently open 8am-4pm Monday to Friday). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Author]

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