So tired of manipulation

[BlueberryField]

I am so sick of constant manipulation and gaslighting. It’s always, he pushes me for a long time for something, but when I listen to him and do it he always twists it around saying everything is my fault, how I don’t care about him, how he’s going through a hard time. But I am going through hell and he doesn’t even notice he’s the one who puts me through it? I am so mentally exhausted and tired of explaining the facts to which I only get verbally abused and blamed for everything because as he says it doesn’t matter what he said and kept nagging me about..

At the same time I guess I can’t complain because the extreme physical abuse has stopped, but psychological one isn’t any better. Everyday I look in the mirror and hate myself becauseI remember that pretty girl with happy eyes before him. Now I’m always tired with darkest circles under eyes and looking the worst. To top it off he does remind me of how bad I look quite often and that he’s (detail removed by moderator)..
Everyday I wake up and think I wish today was the day where he would just pack his s**t and leave without saying goodbye and ever talking to me again. I want to leave, but he always plays with my mind and does things that forces me to stay either manipulation or threats when I don’t want to stay.

I’m just too tired and scared of him at the same time..

[Lisa]

Hello BlueberryField,

I can really hear how trapped and conflicted you are feeling. It sounds like the abuse is becoming very clear and you are able to recognise the manipulative and threatening behaviour he is using against you.

Emotional and psychological abuse can be extremely traumatic and it’s important to have somewhere to talk about what you’re going through and to feel supported.

Remember that if and when you are ready, you could connect with your local domestic abuse service for help with any next steps you may want to make. You can find your local service, here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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