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Hello all. I’m still living with my partner (hoping to get moved soon), and was wondering what would happened if I spoke to social services (there are no involvement at the moment). He latley been teaching our (detail removed by Moderator) son about things I totally disagree with (like proposing racism, bullying, how stupid are woman etc). Also he constantly belittling our (detail removed by Moderator) boy and repeatedly says that his hobbies are worthles and pointless because the only thing boys should do is sports. Also he often excluding our (detail removed by Moderator) from evening snacks etc. I found that absolutely crazy, and I always step in and teach our kids that bullying is not ok, and that hobbies are each individual choice and giving extra snacks to our (detail removed by Moderator).
So my question is – could social services help me to move up housing list , if I turned to them.
And also would he be notified that I spoke to SS,cause obviously I planning to not tell him about moving out, cause I’m already controlled about everything I do, and he would NEVER let me leave. And therefore I don’t wanna him to know anything before I actually have a key in my hands.
Thanks.
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social services have been amazing with me, they have not told him and been confidential, this was through school safeguarding, i was really worried becuase of what he was saying and my child is sen and he seems to be saying things to get her on his side, its hard and i am trying to stay strong, so i would say if you want help they are there and will talk with you and go from there, there seems to be this worry social services take the wrong approach but they haev been lovely to me
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It’s not true… I have been in a similar situation you are in fact seen as the protective factor. From my experience they will direct you to support services that will help you get stronger in yourself and untangle you from emotional manipulation and blackmail. Seeking support from social services etc is seen as you to taking protective steps to protect your children. You’ve got this your a mama bear protecting your cubs!
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Amazing!!! Thank you! Last night he was spewing full hate and threatening me every step in his conversation…
He also said that last time when he was at police 24h custody they read him all the reports I done against him. Is that true?! Do police do that? In public he is this charming, poor guy and in public he makes me this horrible ,b****y women. Now I’m in doubt should I ever turn to police for help again.
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Your welcome sorry you are going through this :/ To my knowledge they absolutely do not do that. He sounds like a n********t he is painting a picture where he was spoken to by the police (authority) on the same level. They were sharing all of the information with him as he is as important as him. This will be lies… He would have gone there and he won’t have liked it at all because they are a neutral party. They won’t bend to his will and they will treat him as someone under suspicion. He does not want to go back there to answer to himself under any circumstances. Which means he will use the tools he has in his bag to get you back into line. Don’t fall for it… Contact social services explain your situation, tell them you do not want him to know you contacted them. Once you start receiving support from people removed from your situation the control he has on you will start to lessen. He will most likely still be the same but you will be different. Which gives you power and control over your own life and better placed to do the right things for your child.
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Me again. So I was loooking to contact my previous social worker (was involved because police were involved and children were present. But case closed). And then I found the agreement what SS sent to partner, that if keeps behaving like he is (verbal abuse etc), then they will step in to ensure kids safety. So now I’m actually terrified to contact them, because they might say that since I’m living still with my partner (I’m on social housing bidding list) I’m endanger my kids. But to be fair I’m doing everything to get me and kids out, it’s just not that easy in a big city with long waiting on properties.
So my question is – would the fact I’m still with him and he was been warned by SS can actually come back to me and deem me as unfit mom??
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From my experience it is important you contact social services more than ever. I had a plan in place the only reason the kids were still with me was because I was deemed the protective factor. The plan had on it that my partner must not use drugs and alcohol in our home. He then went on to use drugs and alcohol in our home. (Now this is the bit that twisted my mind) I was in an abusive relationship and it was really difficult to end it, sure I could have called the police but we are conditioned by fear not to do this. My conditioning was emotional i.e if I called the police x*x would happen and everything would be worse for him he wouldn’t cope he could end his life ect.. so I overlooked on several occasions to keep the peace and smooth things over locking myself (unknowingly into the abuse cycle) I then convinced myself that I was now unable to contact them because I hadn’t stuck to the plan. Now what happened is why you should 100% contact them. My daughter went to school and she confided in her support teacher that Dad was doing this at home and it made her feel uncomfortable and she was worried about me and how she didn’t want him there. Safeguarding were alerted and then the local authorities and they helped me! They got me support from the local domestic abuse charity who helped me put a plan in place and supported me to take steps to “untangle” myself from him. The other way social services helped was they were transparent about what it looked like IF I continued to keep my children in this situation. I would no longer be a protective factor. The children would be put in a child in need plan. Which would mean that I had to meet the conditioned and after that if I still could not make the necessary changes they would then start to look at what was best for the children. I told them my fears of why I hadn’t followed the plan. I also constantly told them (because it was true) that my children were my priority but I felt trapped. I told them I was worried that they would just take my children away. They explained that they could see I was a protective factor to my children and that they don’t just take children away immediately (except in very serious circumstances) They helped me so much in ways of support but were really honest with me as well. This can’t continue, I needed to step up find some strength and do the right thing for me and my children I needed to maintain and show that protective factor. I would reach out if I was you, I would be totally transparent about the thinks you partner has said to scare you. I would ask them for all the support they can give you to make you and the children safe. Because all of that shows you are protective at all costs. You are reaching out even when you are scared.
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