Social services advice!

[Whiteflower]

Hello,
I haven’t posted on here recently but looking for some advice.

I wrote a few months ago explaining that my ex partner was wanted by police for an assault on me, and that shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant. I decided to continue on with the pregnancy. I informed him that I was pregnant, he wanted to be involved so I’ve kept him in regular updates.

After finding out I was pregnant I wanted to try and make the relationship work for the sake of the baby on the promises of change etc. A few days in I realised that my feelings were gone for him and that the best thing for the baby would be for us to separate, as for all our relationship was toxic he isn’t a bad parent, I played an active part in his sons life as he would stay with us frequently, he would never raise his voice or argue in front of him, and was a big softy with him. I decided that through this I would allow him to play a part in the baby’s life and I would see how it went, although I was not adding him to the birth certificate as I wanted to be able to make the overall decisions if I thought things weren’t up to scratch.

Fast forward to today and the police have rang me to inform me that he is now in police custody, my problem is that I stupidly told the officer when she was emailing me throughout the months that I’ve had no contact with him. On the phone today she almost created a “safe space” so to speak for me to confide in her, I explained the same as above to her on the phone and she turned on me after this and informed me that she thinks I am lying about my relationship with him, that I am covering for him and keeping in contact and continuing my relationship in secret, she said that because of this she is contacting social services to inform them about me.

I am absolutely terrified that they are going to take my baby away from me! I’m worried that his actions and mine will go against me along with the fact that I’m a young mother and they will remove the baby from my care. Does anyone have any experience with this? How would social services involvement work if he wasn’t on the birth certificate? I’m so frightened and don’t know what to do.
Thanks.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi, sometimes sadly those who are there to protect us abuse their power too. Sometimes because they’ve seen so much, heard all the lies they assume everyone is lying. Social services won’t take your baby unless they see there’s a need for it. An immediate withdrawal would only be under extreme circumstances. You’re a good mum, talk to wa or your health visitor or gp about your concerns too.
💞💞

[KIP.]

You need to show that you’re putting your child first in this and that now means cutting contact with your abuser. Your abuser is not a good father, a good father doesn’t abuse the mother of his child and he has been abusing you. If you think he was abusive before, then once the baby comes and you’re even more vulnerable his abuse and control will escalate. The police officer has sensed that you and the baby are in danger and she has a duty to protect you both. My advice is to be honest with social services and ask for their help to protect you both. Many many women including me go back to abusive men, on average seven times before finally realising its abusive and dangerous and then leave for good. Maybe this intervention will help you to see that having an abuser anywhere near your child is not good for them. Children learn from their parents and his other child may be having fun with him just now only because he hasn’t crossed him. Because he doesn’t know what his dad is. But I can guarantee when he’s older and has a mind of his own, his father will be there, just as abusive and manipulative as ever. It’s easy to have fun with your child when you rarely see them. Be honest with the police and social services and be guided by women’s aid. Social services will only take your child if you put it in danger. They’re there to help keep you safe. Once an abuser always an abuser and if you have no feelings for him then you’re half way to freedom x

[Author]

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