- This topic has 13 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 10 months ago by
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Tbh…i didnt find them especially helpful..we had several changes of social worker. Their role seemwd to be entirely about filling in papers and ticking boxes. If im being brutally honest i think they could have helped me more if i was in social housing or had some other things that needed sorting. However, what they did qas to scare me into action. I would not have changed things if they had not been involved. We have alarms and sig flagged adrress etc because they made me go to.court etc. It was difficult…initially they sent a bloke…i didnt want this because of being sexually assaulted and feeling unconfortable talking to him. I also found they dont really listen at all to what u say…they have their own agenda. All that aside i think we are safer because of their involvement.
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Thanks Shine Bright, I am finding the same thing to be honest, I reported my husband for DV and now I feel like I am the one being monitored with unannounced visits, meetings, etc and I have been criticized for staying with him so long but there is a reason for that mainly FEAR and having nowhere else to go!
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Hi cupofcoffee, yes I’m afraid your experience is pretty standard it seems. Social workers have a fairly limited understanding of dv, though how or why that’s the case seems crazy. They have some remit to act in a ‘balanced way towards both parents’ but maybe in reality it’s just easier to blame women. My advice would be to keep very calm with them, less is more, and seek support somewhere more understanding and knowledgeable. I found it unbearable to be watched after all the years of being controlled, it felt like my ex was back again. My social worker basically told me that it didn’t really matter that I’d lost everything because I had a nice kitchen now. Oh well that was worth two decades of abuse and rape then, all’s well that ends well, thanks love!!!! Don’t get me started..!! I hope things work through the process quickly and smoothly x*x
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Not a good experience with SS I’m afraid.
As you said they looked for any faults with you and not him.
He was so charming to them and they fell for it.
They lied it was a nightmare.
I would suggest keeping calm and noting everything you can and finding someone who understands how social services work and understands about DV. -
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I think it depends how quick they see everything is in place. Mine was over a year. But thats cos there were incidents while they were on the plan. Really u hvae to so what they ask u and tick all the boxes. They wanted to me to press chargea which i did although they were dropped. They wanted non mol whch i got and so on. In fairness by the end they wanted them off too. They have huge case loads and if they see ur a good parent and that u will protect them from seein dv thats it. As i understand it its rare for them ro be taken off at the first review…after 6 months..but it can happen. They need to aee that ur consistently being protective.
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Hi ladies – I really think it is down to each social worker as individuals and how compassionate they are. For them to get sucked in by abusive men is shameful, they should really be more on point. This hasn’t been my experience however as he has never been contacted by them, they have only worked with me. My little one is on a CIN plan which is a bit more relaxed than a CPP – purely because I have done everything I can to keep him at a distance with the authorities etc. I have been warned though that if I was to ever reconcile with him, my child would go on a CPP or be removed from my care ☹️ Doesn’t bear thinking about. X
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Still waiting for the kids to get some support because abuse happened in one area, we now live in another. Old one can’t do much because we are not there, new one will not take us yet because we do not class as having a permenent address. It’s frustrating as the school would like to put in extra support for kids but need SS to be able to implement it….
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I never forget (detail removed by moderator) years ago when they sent a male social worker to talk to me after a police call out. He was reading what my partner did to me (physical assault detail removed by moderator) and found it most amusing and said sorry whilst chuckling. It just sounded funny!
Hmm. Not funny for me though eh!
As I’ve already had thrm involved for one incident, it puts me off ringing the police again as they assume my son is in danger. Little do they know that the reason i’m in this position is that i guard my boy with my life. Hes my everything. I practise gentle parenting. So being made to look like a bad parent is like the worst for me.
Obviously if I was in danger I would have to call the police and deal with SS. I just think they need to review their actions towards the victim. -
I agree catlover, I was certainly victim blamed and felt that they had no understanding of domestic abuse, they blamed me for staying with my partner so long but did not listen to WHY as I felt at the time that I had no choice and was desperately trying to make things better, but now that I am out of the situation I feel so much better, I got away from my ex partner and my involvement with SS then was dropped, so with hindsight it all worked out OK but it was awful at the time. That male social worker you mentioned should have been sacked, what a dreadful attitude!
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