Solicitor… I can’t take any more of this ;-(

[Blondexxxx]

So my abusive ex walked out on me like I said in previous posts
Then he spent weeks messaging me abuse
Then told me if I didn’t give him the access he wanted to our son he would take me to court and kept threatening me

Our son has been going to (detail removed by moderator) where my ex is living, once a week anyway as that was always routine while I was working

Iv now received a solicitor letter, saying he wants him (detail removed by moderator)
I feel like crying he’s only a toddler, my ex knows I haven’t gone more than one night in his life without him, only for a night never more and I cry all the time when leaving him.

I really don’t know what to do! Apprently now I have to get a solicitor and respond 🙁
He’s hitting me where it hurts and his mum is supporting him as well! She thinks he doesn’t have any alcohol drug or abusing problems!
Even though deep down I think she knows but she’s as controlling as him.

My ex never bothered with our child when we was together, would never look after him, led in bed all the time on a come down. Didn’t really take much interest and now this letter says I have to provide nursery medical and any holiday details and wants to be responsible so I can’t make a decision without him.

I just feel sick, I hugged our little boy a little tighter all week this week at night, he’s kept me going every day.

Iv been referred to therapy before this letter and also victim support and women’s aid. The police also have helped me through things but none of it feels as bad as this letter 🙁 x

[gettingtired]

I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time with all of this. I don’t have children but from reading countless posts on the forum this doesn’t sound surprising at all.. that he didn’t bother with your child when you were together but now he suddenly wants to call all of the shots regarding contact! By the sounds of it even if this did go ahead he would probably be fobbing your son off onto his Mother during contact anyway. She sounds like an enabler like my own Mother in law. They don’t want to admit their precious sons are alcoholics, drug addicts and abusers so they’d rather just side with them to make their own lives easier. Please try to stay strong, it sounds like you’ve got all of the right support lined up xx

[Living Warrior]

hi hunni, i am so sorry you are going through this,
these men dont care about the kids, they just use them as a way to continue the abuse.
i have children and are going through court for him to have access, (which with every thing the court suggest, he wont do.) so i feel your pain.
if you havnt already, get intouch with your local womens aid, they can put you intouch with a domestic abuse solicitor. you may get some of the things paid for via legal aid in domestic abuse cases if you fit the bill.

my advice (what i had to do) and what most of us have to do.

as i said, get intouch with womens aid they can point you in the direction of a good solictor most have a local firm they use for emergency court orders etc. emergency court orders can be paid for by legal aid, as long as you have proof of the abuse. (keeping a record and screen shot messages really does help with this.)

my first call would be a non molestation order- stop him contacting you and harrassing you, also this can stop him coming near the house. (occupation order if he is entitled to live in the house) this keeps him out!

and a prohibited steps order- which names you as main carer of your child. and stops him from taking him. this is also a good idea if he does have contact- as it states he MUST return the child when you have agreed. if this isnt done then he can be arrested and the child brought back, this stops him from taking child while he is with “nan” and refusing to give him back (as if he has parental responsibility he can take child and refuse to give back legally, police cannot do anything unless you have court order.)

these court orders CAN be sought after in an emergency capacity- so can be paid for by legal aid under the domestic abuse guidelines if required and you have proof of DV.
reporting the “messages” etc to the police WILL help, they can start a log which can “show behaviour”

if they do come out to see you, use it as a “warning” ask them to “warn him off” police will note all this and it will be put into a file incase things get worse and you need to go to court- also you CAN use these types of incidents in family court cases.
to prove his intent- and behaviour and safety issues surrounding you “if” he does try taking you through court.

His solicitors letter- this is there to scare you into agreeing!
thinking that you have no place to turn, and making you feel worse. it is another control tactic, many of them use.
take a breath- calm yourself and think rationally, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
especially in these cases- i know more now about legal stuff than i have ever thought id need to know lol

we are all here behind you. you are not alone!

here are some websites to look into, these will help you find out if you would be entitled to legal aid in full, or maybe some costs covered.

https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid/domestic-abuse-or-violence

and info on non-molestations, prohibited steps and occupation orders… if you get a solicitor then you wouldnt need to apply they can do it for you.

https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence

https://www.nelsonslaw.co.uk/prohibited-steps-order/ that is just an info page that came up on google.

https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-occupation

go no contact with him- keep but do not reply to any messages etc- report to police any messages etc as a log you can report this online through a chat option usually on your local police website. or by calling your local police station or 101
you will be given a “reference number” this number is just for reporting the situation with him… it can be used to report anything at all. and you will need to quote this any time you call a non emergency police. as this will keep a full record of the incidents and back you up.
its better to have evidence and not need it, that to need it and not have it.

i hope this helps. i know its a bit much but i would at least sort out the orders of protection. this will give you breathing space to deal with the contact issue.

sending love and strength.

[Blondexxxx]

Thankyou so much to both of you for your replies x*x 😘

You honestly help me so much knowing I’m not alone in all of this x*x

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