Some days

[Sunflowersunshine]

Somedays I want to feel normal for a bit. Some days I want to rejoice that I had sex and I enjoyed it. Some days I’m not up for anything and I wish I could shower all day to feel clean. To feel better. Some days I have dance parties and accomplish everything I set out to do. Some days I’m a balling mess and getting out of bed was enough. Too much. Exhausting. There are so many resources available to help with this or that. They are not resources I feel comfortable or have the ability to use. If I read the pages they make me spiral. If I see- oooh here’s another hotline I CAN’T CALL. I’m not worthy of help if I can’t call. And I can’t I’m immobolised on the telephone, hello trauma. Thank you for your presence.

I have a loving supportive family who helped me leave the worst. And then don’t want to know or realise the trauma I went through. And anything bad is just fixed if you forget about it. Not true. So getting help is impossible without more judgement or condemnation. Or they say I just want attention. I don’t I want the ball of fire living inside of me extinguished. I want things to feel less messy. I want the neat, peaceful life I was promised.

Some days are just too messy.
But some days are totally worth it.

[Lisa]

Thank you for sharing with us, Sunflowersunshine.

[nbumblebee]

Some days i just wish i could close my eyes and it will all go away.
Some days i wished i had never began this journey.
Some days i am so lonley.
Some days I cant see a future.
But some days
I feel positive powerful
Some days i say hey i see you now do your worst
Some days i reach out and here you all are.

I love this post thank you so much i dont have many positives but its good to let it out thank you. I did want to just say though with regards to your last part, you can get help you can get support why tell anyone?
Not one person knows i see a counsellor not one nobody needs to know but i need to go and maybe you do too.
Much love n hugs x

[searchingforhope]

Hi Sunflowersunshine
I’m with nbumblebee, the days vary, but talking does help and nobody needs to know.
Some days I feel I’m going round in circles and that the people I talk to must think they are hitting their heads off a wall with advising me. But it’s not easy, its so difficult and it takes time. Every day is different.
Be kind to yourself.
i want the ball of fire living inside me to be gone too. I can’t keep living with it there. It’s not nice.
Baby steps. xx

[Shocknawe]

Thank you. This is beautiful

[Author]

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