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[Random.]

I can’t do this I’m not strong enough.

[iliketea]

@random do you want to talk about it?

[Lisa]

Hi Random,

I just want to show you some support, I can see that iliketea has asked if you want to talk about it which could help you.

You can do this! We are all here for you.

Take care

Lisa

[Anonymous]

Ahh, but you can love…you can. Whatever is causing you so much pain here can flow out of your fingers and land here so we can help you sort it. I often think about my abuse, especially when I was little and wonder how I ever survived it being small, so badly beaten up all the time, no support, no one to talk to, no one to even be kind to me and I marvel at the fact of how strong I was just enduring the abuse. Not to mention eventually getting out and getting healing from it all, but just how strong I was to endure it. I think we miss that part sometimes.

But you’re here…..you at least wrote this out. Under messages you can always PM any of us as well. And whatever you need Lisa has at her fingertips so contact her if it’s something you have to know right now.

I see you over there, huddled up in a little ball….been there. Shaking, not understanding the tornado around you, wanting out, feeling helpless, wounded, your self critic telling you off in your own head, feel like you’re drowning – however, at the same time, you’re reaching out so we are here for you. Please talk to us. Some things will be deleted because this place does have rules in place and those rules are there to protect you and your privacy. Very well thought out rules so it’s nothing against you at all.

But as you read around the threads we’re all a pretty honest bunch. And there’s alot more room out than in, right? At some point it just gets so poisonous that you have to vomit it up. I got the wet cloth and a bucket so you just let it go! Interesting how when you do that and then it’s out there and up on the wall – how your own mind starts working to solve the problem, too. If it just stays in your head disconnected and all over the place, going round in circles, the more confused you are going to get. Big Hugs to you, please write more….

[Wants To Help]

Hi Random,

So glad you have reached out to us again and holding on to those ‘lifelines’ I have referred to in previous posts. You CAN do this, you ARE doing it, you’re actually doing it. You are stronger than you think you are. What is happening whilst he is in prison? Is someone else making your life difficult on his behalf or is he managing to contact you from prison?

You have come so far now, not sure if this is the furthest you’ve ever pursued anything, I know you’ve done a video interview, but honestly, you have really come so far and this does show great strength. I know those things are not easy to do and very emotionally draining and tough. Please, please just hang on in there and keep going, take each day hour by hour if you have to. Call the Police again if he is harassing you from prison (hopefully your number is on the blocked list so he can’t actually call you), but if he is writing to you then the prison can block his mail to you.

Please try and focus on the bigger picture – YOUR FUTURE WITHOUT ABUSE. That is what all this is about now, it’s a process to help you have a future without fear or abuse. I know you are hurting and that you still love him. Allow yourself that hurt and cry for him if you need to. Cry for a month if you need to. It is better to cry over losing him every day for a month than crying every day for the rest of your life by staying with him.

[Soulsearcher18]

Hi Random
We’re here for you.
You are not alone.
It takes strength to even get on here, sign in and type.
You’ve found a community here, you’ve started creating a unit.
You’ve got knowledge here- you don’t need to find it and know it all.
There is strength in numbers.
Knowledge is power.
Can you hear us Random?…That’s us willing you on…
Let all that sit with you a while, you check in with us when you’re ready.
Take care

Soulsearcher18

[iliketea]

@random I can see the bottom of a rainbow where I’m sitting, I always believe there’s a pot of gold, just sitting there. Waiting to be found.

Are you there? Talk when you’re ready. I hope you’re ok? x

[Random.]

So sorry ladies.
Thank you all so much for your kind replies, it’s just been a tremendously emotional time, as are all of our lives so your sweet comments are so lifting thank you again!!

(Detail removed by moderator) it’s just all the emotions that come with everything.
Guilt, anxiety, fear, helplessness, grieving, having flashbacks, night sweats, not sleeping at all.
But I realise all of that is so minute compared to what everyone that is still with their abuser is feeling so I’m so sorry.
Hope you’re all taking so much care of yourselves, you all deserve to be happy & safe!!
Rx

 

[Cantmakedecisons]

Only a couple of days ago I felt exactly the same as you are feeling now. It comes in waves and the hopelessness is real and soul destroying BUT you have to ride the wave to get to a better place. It’s hard, really hard but we are all here cheering you on!

Nothing about this is easy, your going to have to find strength from places that you’ve never had to before, it’s uncomfortable but it’s there.

I’m not going to pretend that there’s a magic answer if sentence i can say that will simply banish all these feelings, however working through today and then another one at a time seems more manageable (I think eggshells said this to me the other night). It helps to focus on bite size pieces rather than the bigger picture.

Sending hugs

[Wants To Help]

Hi Random,

Good to see you back here with us again, I hope things have got a little easier for you than they were last time. It sounds like you are still without your abuser which is great (really, it is.)

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[Beautifulday]

Hi @random
You can do this! You already are by writing here! You’ve made first steps.
Like the other ladies have said its like a roller coaster and you just have to go with it, take each day as it comes and try to live in the present dont think too far ahead this is my problem I constantly think what if this what if that, its different if you are in a dangerous situation then of course you need to get help ASAP.
But in my case of emotional abuse I find i have good days and terrible days. The weekend was bad but the week has been OK hes been in work which has given me rest from it.
You can do this! We all can it just may take time and thats OK as long as we know we are making small steps and even signing up to this forum and speaking here is a step believe me.
I don’t know if you had rang your local womens aid? If not I would recommend to they are fantastic best thing I did , they will chat however long to you and listen.
Xx

[Eggshells]

Hi Random, please don’t feel that other people’s problems are worse and belittle your own feelings. It doesn’t work like that; we each have our own struggles and your’s seem really big at the moment.

I find huge comfort in these boards, just talking to others who know how it feels can really help so please do just dump it all down in writing.

Just one step at a time. Do you have techniques in place to help you through today or would you like a little help?

We all have different strategies to help us cope so we can give you lots of ideas and you can try the ones which might suit. It’s an almighty effort to try to help yourself when you get this low so please let us help you. xx

[Author]

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