Son’s behaviour

[Caledonia6]

I would really like to hear from other women who have or are dealing with difficult behaviour from their children.
My son is being so disrespectful to me at the moment. It’s difficult enough navigating my husbands moods switching from loving,
Charming and generous to him losing his temper, belittling me etc. Now I need to find a way to try and work on the relationship with my son. We used to be so close but his father said something to him and since then he has become very angry towards me. This has been going on for 2 months.
My son is swearing at me, being very entitled, derogatory about the hours I work, my schedule etc. I’ve sat down with him and we had a talk but he insists that if is father is behaving like that it’s my fault.
I’m starting to doubt myself and wonder if I am the problem? I know really deep down I’m not but he’s manipulated my son where do I go from here ? Thanks for reading

[Better-days]

I don’t know how old your son is you can private message me if u need to. My oldest son of school age is starting to be disrespectful towards me and I know that this is because that’s they way his dad is. I’m still in the relationship and taking small steps towards leaving my biggest fear is that he will brainwash my kids more, but I will be forever guilty that I have not left sooner and taught my kids that it is not acceptable to be treated and spoken to is such a disrespectful way. Absolutely non of this is you fault I hope that this time passes and your son will just be trying to please his dad. My sons said stuff to me infront of his dad then when he goes away has said u know I don’t mean it but u know what he’s like. It’s horrible but like us they do their best to keep the peace and please x*x

[Toofarr]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine it must be heartbreaking. Again, it’s not your fault! It’s the abuser.
I would keep talking to your son and keep trying. He has manipulated him and he probably just wants his approval.
I’ve always said to myself , the day my child exhibits his behaviours towards me, I will be done…but I know it’s not easy…

[tiredofitall]

My ex would talk to our teenage children all the time about what I did wrong. He would s**g me off and justify his outbursts and his behaviour as a reaction to the bad way I treated him. He basically wanted them to think that he was the good guy and that I was the bad guy. They started to tell me and at first, I tried not to retaliate and to be the bigger person but in the end I had to say to them that what he was saying wasn’t the whole picture and that with everything in life there are always two sides. I went out of my way not to s**g him off but to say that he had issues and he found it hard not to look at both sides of a situation. Nothing in life is ever black and white. And also that his behaviour wasn’t normal. I didnt want them to think that this is what a healthy relationship looked like.
It kind of goes against everything they tell you about always showing a united front as parents but I really felt like the example he was setting was not a healthy one.
As our son got older, my husband started to see that he wasn’t buying his version of events and he started to turn on him – belittling him and shouting at him. He was not a good father to him. He treated our daughter differently and it was clear he tried to turn them against each other. I read on here somewhere that its a way for them to get control because if we were a pack it would be us against him.
Anyway, I guess I’m just saying that they use everything they have to get us isolated and that includes using our children. So just keep talking to your son, even if he doesn’t believe you now. Just keep letting him know your story. I’m afraid they grow up faster than they should because of what they have to see and understand but we can’t protect them – we can only try and help them so they dont take it into their adult relationships.

[Blankcanvas]

I’m experiencing similar,
Could be hormones and age related strops, but I am finding disciplining more more demanding. Trying to be calm and consistent.
Lundy Bancrofts book talks about how the children at some point side with the abuser. It eases the burden for kids to think we deserve it.
Single parenting is tough.
With all the stressors of every day life.

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