Sorry to bring this up again but I’m confused

[Chocolatebunnie]

I know some couples say they have sex to keep the other one happy.

I feel sometimes that is how it is but I’m confused as he is going back to his ways of waking me whilst trying have sex.

Thing is a joke along with him, why do I do this? I can’t even set boundaries with him. He knows it’s wrong as he admitted it not so long ago.

I will say no, it is awkward as kids are up and about but he ignores this and jokes that it will happen regardless.

Am I looking into this and over analysing it.

Thing is he was not nice the weekend, he was in a stress as we had (detail removed by moderator). Anyway he was (detail removed by moderator) and I ask him to let me he ignores this too.

I feel like I have no say.

I know I’m at fault I’m too passive.

What confuses me more is I might not like the idea but then as things go I change my mind about having sex and it’s ok.

So sorry to be posting this again.

I just don’t know where else to ask for advice.

[Sad and alone]

Is it that you’re agreeing to it because it’s easier than to keep saying no? Or he makes you feel like you’re not making an effort? I have been told for years that I always reject my other half and this is like reverse psychology in that I really never turn him down as I’m conscious that he says I always do. He also says he doesn’t bother making advances now due to being turned down so then a lack of sex life is my fault if I don’t initiate anything which tbh I hardly ever feel like doing due to the way things are between us.
I imagine you may feel it’s okay afterwards as expect he may act more loving towards you, or things may seem “normal” for a period, like how they were before they went downhill?

[Chocolatebunnie]

He doesn’t have to do much these days I just go along with it. But I’ve been called frigid, had him stop making advances, got angry with me for not giving him foreplay and expecting me to just be ready.

These days it’s nicer the approach but it’s a joke to him. If I say no he jokes I will give in, I can’t think straight anymore.

[Eggshells]

If you’ve said no then you have made it very clear you do not consent. It’s rape.

[Sad and alone]

That’s a classic being told you’re frigid. The (detail removed by Moderator) physical incident between us when he expected me to just be ready to go and was on about trying something new and I said couldn’t we just have a kiss or whatever before and he got mad and put his hands around my throat. He said I was frigid then.
Nowadays he will usually try and get on without much warm up, although he says he likes the foreplay side. He always says why don’t I jump on him and be passionate but tbh that’s pretty much gone. I’ve not got passion for anything, let alone him! Always weird to me how they expect you to want them despite things that happen between you.

[nbumblebee]

I hear you loud and clear here CB this confuses me so much. Mine is always pressuring me about sex and often gets nasty. It was (detail removed by Moderator) we went out had a niceish time on way home he tried to put his hand up my skirt i asked him not too he got grumpy and called me a few names and ruined the night. He has arranged a few nights away for us and he said Id better not be on a period or it would be a waste!!!
Everything is sex based here and its always nastier when i say no so i like you just lay there just to get a break. Its no way to live CB it really isnt xxxx

[Bananaboat]

Sadly it’s another tactic of theirs. Mine did same, would wake me up, getting angry if I said no, try infront of the kids etc. He’d always want it on his terms, especially when drunk or if there was a chance of someone (mates/kids) hearing or walking in. We accept it because we want to avoid his anger, because it’s a form of affection and our brains think well he must love me (we’ve been treated so badly any nugget of ‘love’ is savoured) and because we want to prove we care & aren’t ‘frigid’. But as others have said, it’s not on your terms, it’s not really consensual and it’s done to keep the peace. It’s ok to enjoy and want sex, you’re human! It’s not easy to set boundaries, especially when they know how to manipulate us so wellxx

[Jedi warrior]

My holidays were always sex based family ones too last one I had with him he pressured me until I felt I had to give in as if I said no he would have got angry and it would have ruined the holiday however his actions did anyway so much that it was a turning point for me I never wanted to go away with him again and didn’t and I left a year after .

[Stargazing1]

None of you should be put under pressure whatsoever. It seems to be at the forefront of their minds on a regular basis. Why are they not understanding. They throw their teddy out of the cot all because us as women are not very fussed about intimacy sometimes. Once again I wish none of you where having these situations to deal with . I myself have been in situations where I’ve been shouted at because I’ve said No . We are not owned by these people 🙄 😒. They do think they own us . If only they knew what women had to deal with hormones etc they may ( I say may ) be a tiny bit more understanding but they are not and probably won’t ever be . My heart breaks too hear how people are being made to feel bad because they say No . This is disgusting behaviour they should be ashamed if themselves but that won’t happen either. I am so very sorry that this situation is occurring for so many people here. I wish for better times ahead for each and every single one of you.

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