Starting to feel trapped.

[queenmaeve]

He is much older than me and we both had problems with our previous partners but for different reasons. He is retired and I feel like I can’t breathe or move around my house without him following me from room to room, he either does this or completely ignores me. I am blamed for everything that goes wrong in his life and he drinks every night and constantly switches over the tv. My mental health is suffering and I either have insomnia or sleep for long periods of time to switch him off. He is very snappy and has started becoming verbally abusive and constantly texts my children yet I am never allowed to speak to his. He has pains but refuses to take pain killers yet will complain to me he is in pain if I ask him to take his medication he refuses and then limps around. I feel I have no one to turn to or talk to.

[queenmaeve]

I don’t know how to escape this?

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, welcome to the forum QueenMaeve, I’ve put you in capitals to show you’re important and aren’t invisible. Living with an abusive partner is very stifling, I from for you. If you’re not strong enough yet to either get him to leave or leave yourself start gathering information as to the ins and outs of abuse. Contact your location WA, one of their clients is 82, at the one I go to, 82!! She’d just had had enough. Cant talk long as going out but just wanted to reply
IWMB 💞💞

[KIP.]

Is it your house? If so he has no right to be there? Can you change the locks? Abusers very often blame previous partners for their abusive behaviour so be very careful as they are liars. Isolating you from his children is also a huge red flag as I bet they have a very different story to tell. Keep posting. It sounds like the anxiety he is causing you is affection your sleep pattern which is also a red flag. It’s exhausting dealing with an abuser. Has he trapped you financially? Do you have your own money to make an escape plan?

[KIP.]

It sounds like the honeymoon phase is well and truly over and now you’re seeing the real him. Can you contact your local women’s aid?

[KIP.]

Abuse very often escalates after a big commitment like moving in together or marriage or children. They think we are trapped and can treat us badly and we have no where to go x

[queenmaeve]

Thanks for your replies. I am sick to death of this, I own the house and so refuse to move out of my own home. I have already had a very abusive marriage years ago and have been with this man for x amount of years. I am worn out!, I can’t change the locks as he is ill but refuses to allow me to have contact with his children for support. I don’t even know any of their phone numbers. I am also ill and can’t cope. x

[KIP.]

He and his illness are not your responsibility. You are ill. He is making you ill. It’s your house and you are entitled to decide who lives there. You could try getting some free legal advice. Someone on here got a solicitor to write to him giving him 30 days to vacate her home or they would instruct the police to do so. It’s amazing how these men find their feet when push comes to shove. While he’s sucking the life off you, he won’t look to move out until he’s made to. Abuser use fear Obligation and guilt to trap us. There will be good reasons he won’t let you communicate with his children. My guess is previous domestic abuse x

[queenmaeve]

Update. I went to see my GP today who has diagnosed extreme stress and mental breakdown. He neglected me all over Christmas and New Year and is going to stay at his Sons house to look after his (removed by moderator) weeks, once again leaving me alone. Another one of his children who he is estranged from has decided to make a visit (removed by moderator)despite me being ill. I told him that I am ill and don’t want visitors and he sulked all evening and I decided enough was enough. His children are in their (removed by moderator) and I was told they will always come before me. I really can’t cope with this anymore.

[Author]

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