Staying strong

[Nocontactqueen]

Recently my partner (now ex) beat me and strangled me, I had him arrested and he has been in jail ever since. However I keep feeling guilty because it was in a drunk rage whereas when he is sober he’s absolutely spot on. It’s hard to accept that he can control it. Also how do you explain to an child that they won’t see them any more?

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel…
I am so so sorry to hear what has happened to you… on no level is this acceptable and the fact that he is now in jail reflects that
Millions of people get drunk all the time and do not behave anywhere near as badly as he did… so please no more guilt, you can not excuse this behaviour in anyway shape or form, it was wrong
The only way you will move on is to accept that he did do this and he is out of control… this is now his issue to address not yours (although he probably won’t)
By you accepting things it will make it easier for you to explain and show an example to your child
Use age appropriate language to explain to your child, you know them better than anyone so use and trust your judgement that you will know what, and how much to say
And then start to make new memories with them, get them focused on making a memory book or start a new hobby with them … you cant go back and change things but you can improve them from here on in
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Nocontactqueen]

Thank you so much for replying what a lovely person you sound 🙂

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Nocontactqueen

I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, not only in being assaulted and strangled but to then go through the court process. It makes me sad you feel any guilt for this, and cannot find words to explain to your child. He wouldn’t be in prison if he hadn’t done this, you didn’t want this, any of it, please absolve yourself of any guilt where there should be none. I know where it comes from, but this is his guilt and the reason he’s inside. he’s a danger to you and to children.

If I ever got drunk and set my hands on someone I would be scared to ever drink again for fear that it would happen again. I would seek help and wonder what the hell was wrong with me to attack someone.

You have no blame here. It depends on the age as to what you say to a child. Its important to be as honest as you can. If the child heard or saw the incident or subsequent injuries to yourself that makes the explaining easier, as they need answers for what they also suffered as a result of witnessing it.

You’ve been through so much, to the point that its so shocking it seems unbelievable (I know, I’ve also been strangled). Does your child have additional support, or yourself, as a result of your experiences, as they could also support your words and help you to manage at this emotional time.

warmest wishes

ts

[Author]

Posts