Still it continues …

[Ribena2]

I used to be a regular poster and think this site saved me. A lady called Flower in particular made me see what was happening. However we are now (removed by moderator) years since I left him, yet he continues to verbally abuse me, belittle me, blame and name call. I have had enough. I’ve threatened non mol orders, he just laughs and taunts. When I called the police when we were together he would laugh and taunt me. I don’t think I can go through another court battle to get a non mol order as we had one of those a few years ago over contact and there’s no guarantee I’d get the non mol order and I can’t risk that as it would just make him think all the more that he is above the law. He’s so clever and manipulative. (Detail removed by moderator) – he’s a very bitter and cruel man.

I find myself double checking the doors are locked at night which is a sign he is getting to me. I’ve grey rocked him for months and months but truth be told it is affecting me and I don’t know what to do next. I have to cooparent with this man even though his contact is only a matter of hours a week yet he still thinks it’s ok to abuse me. I ask him to stop texting and he carries on and on. I’m at a loss as how to take this forward. I’m thinking of taking all the evidence to the police – I’ve got death threats in writing and a recording from years ago. The most recent stuff is belittling and demeaning, and I think the police may say it’s too late and not serious enough. The police were called a number of times when we were together and I found some of them – not all – to be dismissive because he literally talked them round. I honestly don’t know what to do with it anymore.

[Lisa]

Hi Ribena2,

I’m sorry to hear after all this time, you’re still facing such abuse from your ex-partner. We do hear that often men will use child contact as a means of perpetuating the abuse, long after the relationship has ended. It’s frustrating that some services don’t seem to equate the fact that when a man abuses the mother of his child, it reflects on his capability of being a good parent as well.

Have you spoken to local domestic abuse service recently about how his on-going harassment is impacting your life? Perhaps discuss this with them and see what they can advise. They may be able to approach the police on this with you for example.

Coram may be good to talk to as well. The Coram Children’s Legal Centre provide free legal resources with advice and information on all aspects of family, child and education law, including relationship breakdown; parental disputes, duties of children’s services; child protection. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480 (8am-6pm, Mon-Fri).

Family Lives provide support to parents under stress, can make local referrals, and have a forum for parents. They are contactable on 0808 800 2222 (Mon-Fri, 9am-9 pm, and 10am-3pm Sat & Sun); they also have a live chat (Mon-Fri 1.30-9pm) available through the website.

I hope you feel able to reach out to any of the above services and that they can provide some support on how to end the cycle of abuse you have been put through for so long.

Take care,

Lisa

[Author]

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