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I left my ex in (detail removed by moderator), it is now 2021 and since I have moved out to my own flat I am still scared of little things, to the point I have panic attacks, if I hear a little bump or if I have a reminder of my ex it triggers some thing my worst night in 2020, I had sleep paralysis and thought he was. In my room , I get up and check my front and balcony door at least three times a night and on my daughter at this point now I feel like I Should be past this but it is still remains the same I think it’s the knowledge he is out there and could come find me at any point band the fact that when I was abused he would normally attack me in our bed room so my room doesn’t feel a safe place any more even though it’s a different home
Does anyone else have any techniques they use to help with this kind of thing would really appreciate it x -
peppa-pig I’m really sorry to hear how you’re feeling. It sounds really hard. Fear can really take us over. It sounds like you might have PTSD or cPTSD or something like that. I’ve seen other posts on them and there are people on here who can give you advice on how to deal with it.
I think we live in a world of shoulds. There’s always something we should or shouldn’t do/think/be/feel etc. But it’s taken me a long time to realise that when you fight reality, reality wins. Every time. I’ve heard a metaphor about locking your keys in the car. Sure it’s ok to fee angry about it. But if you use all your time and energy to kick the car, the keys will still be in the car and you hurt yourself. What I’m trying to say is that getting caught up thinking that you should be feeling differently than you do does more harm than good. I know it’s not easy to simply accept things but try to be kind to yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re coping the best way you can after significant trauma. Yes there is healing to be done, but that doesn’t mean you’re broken.
Have you spoken to your GP? They may be able to refer you for support. You may find medication helpful while you’re getting support (I don’t think medication alone is a great idea, because it doesn’t help in the long term, but it can take the edge off so you feel free enough to face what’s going on). There are also lots of different techniques for managing fear. Self care is helpful and generally doing things to take your stress levels down. The more stressed you are in general, the more easily you’ll be triggered. You could try something like tapping/EFT (there are apps and books to guide you), which sounds a bit crazy but does seem to work. Sending lots of love xxxx
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I have been wth councillors and it never really works, I don’t like the idea of pills to be honest.. I am finding this forum helpful though I do think I need to speak to some one who has actually experienced and survived DV because my last two councillors didn’t seem to understand, they were good I’m not taking that away from them I was able to get a lot of my chest but I found myself not able to talk much about what happened we’re as here I can
Thank you for ur kind words x -
I’m not at all surprised you’re still scared. Everyone jumps at noises in the night. Mostly we know it’s nothing. In your case it always used to be something. Your mind and body are still doing what they’re good at, keeping watch and ready to react. Give it more time, as long as it takes. Meanwhile accept you still feel vulnerable and get the police to do a security and locks check on your home.
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Camel, the police wouldn’t do that we’re I live! I’m red flagged just in case he comes a round so they would be there quickly be they best ally fobbed me off when he breached his RO so I don’t trust the police to be honest,?
Happy skies yes I used to sleep with a knife under my pillow also but stopped because of my daughter I didn’t want her to find it if I forgot to move it one day, what is EMDR?
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