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(Detail removed by moderator) an incident that happened in my youth, something I’d told him in confidence when I needed to explain why I’d been freaked out by his trying to do something specific, and why I would need a lot of care, time and trust around that thing to ever go there again comfortably.
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I honestly thought I’d made my peace with that long ago incident, but this really stirred everything up in my mind. So much so that I found myself weeping on my way to work. It’s really not a good thing to happen on the motorway!
I’d begun to feel just the teeniest bit ok with myself too. I bought some cute pyjama shorts and vest T’s so I didn’t feel so frumpy in the T-Shirt nighties I was wearing. The ones I started to wear as a barrier.
Now I feel dirty again and just want to sleep.
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Oh ER, that’s tough. I had an eating disorder in my teens and I told my ex. He didn’t stop calling me fat once he had that information. It’s what they do. I put on a lot of weight after that. I always said that fat is my armour. I’ve been losing it again recently. To use something someone who loves you tells you in confidence really is the lowest of the low. So you keep on wearing those t shirts and shorts and sod him!!!
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(Detail removed by moderator). It’s nonsense. It’s simply designed to deflect the attention away from himself and his behaviour. To try and muddy the waters. We all confide in our life partners and most would never dream of using that information against us. This is how you know he’s an abuser. You’re the victim in this (Detail removed by moderator). No wonder you’re exhausted. You have nothing to feel dirty about. The shame is all his x
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Agree 🙁 Any flaw, weakness or past trauma they can use, and they will…
It’s funny you mention emotional blackmail IWMB. My ex always used to say I was emotionally blackmailing him when I said I would report him if he ever hit me again. What’s worse is I believed I was abusive in saying that so it took another 4 years before I reported him. -
My ex always said I was controlling and abusive. God knows where these people get off. They’re beyond vile and pathetic.
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Sometimes they can be so clever, mine would never put any abuse in texts or messages but plenty would be done verbally. And yet… they don’t realise they all follow pretty much the same patterns, like projecting the fact their abusers on to their victims. Clever and stupid and urgh. I feel so guilty if I by accident step on a stranger’s foot. They abuse us and not only feel fine about it, they even blame us for it. Here comes the anger…
EbonyRaven I hope you are feeling better – and agree with what has been said here that that was not a conversation to be had over the phone. Sending you and all the ladies here plenty of Saturday night hugs.
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I laugh now when my oh says I’m abusing him, how I beat him up, I reverse it and replace ‘you’ with ‘I’m’. It’s helped a lot over the past few months. I won’t say it’s hard not to retaliate, to defend myself, a low mmm is my answer of choice now, which funnily enough really annoys him.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞 -
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Yip that’s him, usually with a glass in hand ready to throw it and the contents at me. or clenched fists and teeth. The first few times I saw that face, spit running down his chin, it terrified me, still does. But inside now, I imagine him throwing himself on the floor throwing a hissy instead.
I like being me just now, I’m seeing the old me more and more. I’m being smart, not letting him pick up on anything(I hope).
Love and light IWMB 💞💞 -
for me too thats the worst thing i remember about the abusive behavior – that grimace – the bared teeth and spitting literally in anger. that was the build up and the not knowing what followed was the worst of it. i agree they will use any emotional tool they can you wish that you had never confided any of your deepest darkest secrets but in a normal relationship theses feelings would be respected xx love diymum x
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