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I met him last week and it’s made things worse since then all I do is think about him which is so unhealthy and keep checking my phone to see if he’s messaged me I want to try and forget him last week he told me that him and his gf weren’t getting on I hope he was telling the truth but I doubt it he was horrible to ME at the wkend again but he said sorry afterwards and hopes I find someone else soon it is all driving me mad what’s he playing at
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I understand you so so much. A man can be horrible and abusive, and yet something attracts us to him so badly that makes it hard to letting him go.
On this forum I found about such thing as trauma bonding. It did not help me yet to break up with him, but I stopped blaming myself… I hope soon I will find strength to end it… -
Dear Mini Mayhem, I can identify so much with what you have posted, it sounds very much like my own situation. I split up from my ex X*X months ago now. I felt that he gave me mixed messages during our relationship, towards the splitting up time, as we split up and possibly post split. (I love you, I love you not etc etc). All of this caused me to have a lot more trauma, confusion, heartbreak, what ifs, sadness after we split up. Like you, only yesterday I was thinking about my ex considering whether to contact him to say how sad I feel and wish we could have tried harder. Part of the reason that I think i wasnted to contact him is because I suspect that he has made his presence felt since we split up (you see, mind games to play with your psyche, possibly if he had not made his presence known I would not have felt sad etc). I am not certain about this, but I suspect that he may have joined a social group I belong to. This has put him back into my mind and could be construed as contact. We have had virtually 100% No Contact on both sides since we split up. Because of this recent ‘contact’ my emotions have been sent haywire, my thinking has become anxious & suspicious & scared. Before this yes i was sad but I was moving through post split and doing ok. This ‘contact’ has stressed me. What i’m trying to get you to see that any contact at all is so bad for your emotions. (you met your ex last week which was contact). I really was doing ok considering I had come out of an abusive relationship but as soon as I thought his presence had been made I had trouble sleeping and comfort ate. The mixed messages that I received I believe have kept me hooked in, dangling asking what ifs, does he care, is he trying to get a message to me. I have read your post a number of times. He is giving you very mixed messages and it is screwing with your mind as mine did and continues to do. He is meeting you (giving you hope) telling you things are dodgy with his GF (dangling a carrot to you) but not actually being clear and straight. Then he is horrible to you and then saying sorry (acting caring) Its all very crazy making and I suspect deliberate to keep you dangling. Its mind games, cryptic messages which could mean something but then equally they could mean something else (have a look at the thread on here called Plausible Deniability). I continue to think that it is a good idea to remind yourself exactly why you split up in the first place. This seems to bring you back to center and see through all of the fog of the mind games. It sounds like you are still keen and hopeful and he is keeping you dangling. X*X (When I was with my ex I decided I didn’t want an abusive user so finished with him. If we had anything worth saving he would not have played mind games, given crypic messages confusing me and causing doubt. He would have contacted me saying clearly and with no room for doubt how he feels. X*X (sorry for my long post)
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Hi mini mayhem, you are not alone like the other ladies said he is sending you mixed messages leaving you dangling. Try not to meet up with him( i know its hard) but he is still trying to keep you there without actually being there. I am going through similar alothough im due a baby in a few weeks and he messages i reply then he disappears and leaves me to pick up the emotions and my hormones are raging at the min. Its hard x
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Thank you everyone it’s so good to talk I spk yo him today I needed some money cause I had no food he said I should ask my friends not him he is loaded he is financally abusing me now I asked him why he said all those things about his gf last week and he said it was playing it down for my benefit I don’t understand what he means he called me loads of names aswell I wish I could go no contact its so hard
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Dear Mini, its not good that you are financially dependent that you are having to ask him for money for food, he has you over a barrell!!! How come you rely on him for food money? if the worse comes to the worse your local Council can organise food parcels for you, there are food charities around. He is holding all the power here and your self worth is going to get worse and worse.
Please read HG Tudor, No Contact it really did help me. Its free to read on Amazon.
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