Strategies to keep safe as single woman after abusive relationship

[Bruisedbutbrave]

Hi girls

Please share your ideas and things you all did to stay strong and be able to enjoy life on your own while staying safe

I am struggling with this constant fear that something might happen to me or my children
I keep my mobile with
Avoid going out late night
Thinking of starting self defence classes

[Anonymous]

I think that’s a good idea. I found that not going out alone at night until I felt more confident was important. I keep a mental and physical distance between myself and men. I work in a very huggy workplace but thankfully only the women have tried to hug me.
Having two mobiles (one a cheapo Nokia) means that if I misplace one I have the other one.

[Tiffany]

If you drive then always turning your car so it is facing the right way to leave (like if you are in a car park then reverse into the parking place, and if you are in a cul de sac then turning the car to face the way out before parking) is a good idea. My Mum was taught this as a nurse doing house calls. If anything goes wrong your car is ready to drive away.

[Bruisedbutbrave]

Thank you
With so much crime going on ,bring a survivor is even harder.
I keep my mobile with me.
Always keep change in my car
Cash in my wallet
I am thinking about writing all the important numbers and get them laminated and leave them in my car and home in case I lose me mobile

I locked myself and couldn’t even call the landlady. Left mobile at home
It was scary and frightening
Since then I am more vigilant and check my bag to ensure I have everything

Anxiety is through the roof prior to court hearings but i am slowly getting better .

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, it does get easier. You’re doing really well. I lose my mobile a lot so I have the number in my spare so I can call it / have a spare if I need to dash out.

[Twisted Sister]

I have been trapped in my car, and wish id known about the reversing in and having immediate access to escape.

I change number frequently and give out old numbers that i no longer use to any that insist (like people i dont know/trust well enough, energy companies!).

To manage stalking, its recommended you dontnset up routines, that you leave for work at different times, take different routes. Avoid places you would be expected. Keep your phone close by.

I think self defence classes are a great idea for both safety and confidence.

Be wary about who you give personal details to. Vast sums of money change hands for the selling of our data.

Have camera installed very obviously on your home, and get a phone with a record call feature. Motion sensor light, and alert your neighbours that police should be called if they see him behaving oddly, hanging around, or hear any altercations. To be more vigilant.

Warmest wishes

TS

[fizzylem]

Self awareness arms us; learn about what you would do differently, the signs you glazed over last time, did emotions develop quickly, did you get invested before you came to know this is someone I can trust? Did you hope it would be good or did you know it would be – there is a difference hey. Did your heart rule over your head? What were those early warning signs? Red flags. What was not ok for you, how does it need to be if you are with someone again? Work towards feeling you know you won’t settle again. Tell yourself that if there are signs you will act, it has to feel right every step of the way. The more we learn about ourselves and why we entered into it and what it was that kept us there the better, what was it in us he exploited, what made me vulnerable? This stops us from ever being vulnerable again.

Build a strong and wide support network – so you know who to call for anything you need, emotional or practical x

[Anonymous]

Hello,

I understand your fear as I have been hunted by my emotionally abusive father all my life, and know that it can take a lot of courage sometimes just to walk down the street, scared that every person is a potential abductor. Here are a couple of tips to staying safe.

I would suggest that you take care what you, or your family/friends, post on social media, particularly if your ex still knows these people and you have moved to a new area. Abusers are very manipulative people and, in my experience, can spin all manner of stories to secure information about their victims.

If your circumstances allow perhaps get a dog as they will bark if they hear any suspicious noises outside your property. Plus, dogs are great at sensing moods in humans and are always willing to be hugged or petted.

[Janedoeissad]

As I have stated on other posts I started doing ladies only kick boxing classes a while ago. Best thing I ever did.

Defence is one of the components of the lessons. How to defend yourself if anyone grabs you. And stay within the confines of the law. My instructor is doing a street defence class soon too.

This has upped my confidence so much. At the same time it’s helping my mental health as the classes are very physical and so I can get rid of any pent up anger, any energy which anxiety can bring and the sense of achievement boosts my mood.

So now I can keep myself safe by doing all the things others have mentioned, but I also feel empowered to know how to deal with any confrontation.

This has honestly saved my sanity and my mental health. I’d recommend it to anyone who wouldn’t get too triggered by it. Mind you, my instructor is so fantastic he’s helped me work through my triggered moments.

[Author]

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