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I just had to post I know how fed up of me you must all be but today I feel I need to post and in the positive section who would have thought!!!
I always comment on here and suggest ladies reach out talk to someone get help but never have i done that myself.
I chat on here and a few of you support me through pm etc and i wouldnt be here without a few of you but outside im alone and its no secret that I dont cope well.
Yes ive made changes by working studying even when he says no when he stops me i still go i still am determined but I still take it out on myself blame myself. Well today I did something I never thought I would do I got help for my pain my self hurt my guilt my eating and Its going to be a long road but he said that in 6-12 months i will be a stronger version of myself and that then I will be ready to make a choice, my next move stay or leave. Today my husband has been horrible and its (detail removed by moderator) and i dread what is coming but I have a tiny oiece of hope. Someone out there is willing and able to help me, me of all people me. Ive seen so many posts recently about reaching out and not getting the help you deserve and to be honeat that has put me off reaching out myself but i still did it today and im glad i did. Slow tiny steps as I cant yet cope with big ones but im still slowly stepping still picking at my brick wall ready to one day take it all down.
I have no idea how im gonna cope with trying to get myself better whilst putting up with husband nastiness but Im gonna give it a good go.
I feel rubbish down and low and sad anxious about what is ahead but i am also determined and relieved that im not alone.
Basically what im badly trying to say is actually there are people out there that will help that will listen but we have to go out and find them as hard as it is only we can save ourselves xxxx -
When I saw your post and it was you saying “Stronger”, it filled me with happiness for you.
Don’t ever think we would be fed up with you. This is for support, no matter how often or little you post or if you just read others posts. It is all so helpful and building and reinforcing me anyway for sure.
I’m so glad for you that you have reached out. Baby steps is all you need, hold onto that hope. Sometimes it might be one forward and two back. But you just keep fighting for you, as you said, at the end of the day, it’s only you can.
But we are always here x*x
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Not so strong this morning very tearful very low I think maybe I put so much into asking him for help now its happening its almost like a crash does that make sense? Husband is being weird too almost like he cant be bothered with me anymore ive stopped making a big effort so he has not that he ever made one but its even less now I am full of guilt too for asking for help its not free and im paying for it myself but still guilt creeps in.
Actually Im scared really scared.
Am still determined am still so glad ive finally done im still going to do all he tells me to do to get myself better just flat today is that normal ladies?-
I think there are times in our life when we have things going on that we really just have to take each day as it comes. Life is hard any way, the cost of living has rocketed, everything like food, fuel, gas/electric is out of control, and add in living with an abuser… no wonder life is hard one day and even harder the next!
I think it’s absolutely normal to be feel good one day and make decisions with confidence and optimism, then on a day when we feel less sure of ourselves we doubt everything we’ve done. This is going to be your medicine nbumblebee, you really need to take it. Unless you go through with this then things are not going to improve. Much as you’re apprehensive about the decision you’ve made I’m sure you don’t want things to stay as they are either?
xx
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No i dont I really dont.
Im worried i cant take much more either from him but also from myself im so tired.
I will do this as much as i feel guilt i work right and the kids dont go without as long as they are ok then i can tell myself im ok to do this. I dont think i have a choice anymore I really dont. Thank you xxxxxx
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Well done you, so happy for you Nbumblebee. Keep going on this path, your on the right track, know that.
I feel like, I am very much up and down, but after what we have been through, I think that is normal. Most people have ups and downs. So imagine if you add ontop of just normal life’s ups & downs, living through the traumatic periods we have lived. No wonder.
I still feel guilt, regret, shame, sorrow, tiny bit of anger, confusion. I think the key is to recongnise those feelings, accept them, understand why we feel them and let them be. I think the end aim is to be the master of our ship as a friend always says to me. So we are the master of ourselves, our emotions will come and go, but we can learn to not let them be the master of us.
Lots of love x*x -
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It’s normal to feel flat and have ups and downs, but like @eyesopening said, don’t let feelings be master of you.
You can do this x*x
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